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Garden
Tour |
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Totems |
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Fairy
Garden |
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Archways |
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Birds |
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Bird
Stations |
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Backyard
Bird List |
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Flowers |
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Main Pond |
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Corner
Pond |
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Waterfall |
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Bathtub
Pond |
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Angel
Statues |
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St. Francis |
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Variety of Statues |
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Odds &
Ends |
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Wildlife |
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Words
of
Wisdom |
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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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New York
City Trip |
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A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO.
This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a
wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them
know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do
you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looks
at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams,
"Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come
back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around
the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that
goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
"Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.
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Don't Mess With Grandma.....
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to
her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her
vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,
proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a
gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out
and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to
load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into
driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key
into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on
her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four
or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car
and drove to the Police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men
were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described
as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair,
and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
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HAVE AN ACCIDENT??
For all of us who have or have had small children... we can relate!
A young mothers three year old son had a lot of problems with potty
training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I
checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
him and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord,
that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with
me."
Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an
accident?"
"No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because
the smell was getting worse.
Sooooo.... I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an
accident?"
Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled.... "SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!"
While 10 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly
pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing
happened. I was mortified! Some kind elderly people made me feel a
lot better when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh
they had ever had!!!
Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were
leaving stopped and said, "Son, my wife accuses me of the same
thing all the time...I just never had the nerve to make the point
like you did."
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