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Garden
Tour |
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Totems |
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Fairy
Garden |
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Archways |
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Birds |
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Bird
Stations |
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Backyard
Bird List |
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Flowers |
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Main Pond |
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Corner
Pond |
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Waterfall |
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Bathtub
Pond |
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Angel
Statues |
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St. Francis |
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Variety of Statues |
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Odds &
Ends |
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Wildlife |
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Words
of
Wisdom |
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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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New York
City Trip |
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A
blonde walks into the Revlon Company Store and asks the assistant
for some rectum deodorant. The assistant, a little bemused,
explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never
have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the assistant that she has been buying
the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some
more. "I'm sorry," says the assistant, "we don't
have any." But, I always buy it here," says the
blonde. Do you have the container that it came in?" asks
the assistant. "Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go
home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the assistant who
looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of
underarm deodorant" Annoyed, the blonde snatches the
deodorant back and reads out loud from the container.........TO
APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM
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Brain Cramps
Question:
"If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then
we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why
I would not live forever,"
--Miss
Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever
I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah
Carey
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"Smoking
kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've
never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston
Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside
of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"
--Mayor
Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm
not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We
are the president."
--Hillary
Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That
lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A
congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia
Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It
isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al
Gore, Vice President
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"I
love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan
Quayle
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"
It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way
or another"
--George
Bush, US President
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air
do we need?"
--Lee
Iacocca
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"I
was provided with additional input that was radically different
from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel
Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
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"The
word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius
is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe
Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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"We
don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types
of people."
--Colonel
Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If
we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill
Clinton, President
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"We
are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not
occur." --Al
Gore, VP
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"Traditionally,
most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel
Enderbery
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"Your
food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department
of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If
somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the
night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be
a record."
--Mark
S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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BRA SIZES
A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York
City. He told the sales lady, "I would like a Baptist bra for
my wife, size 36B."
With a quizzical look, the saleslady asked, "What kind of
bra?"
He repeated, "A Baptist Bra - She said to tell you that she
wanted a Baptist Bra, and that you would know what she
wanted."
"Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't
get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers
lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the
Presbyterian type."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked, "So, what
are the differences?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The
Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the
fallen. The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and
upright."
He mused on that information for a minute, and asked, "So,
what is the Baptist type for?"
"They," she replied, "make mountains out of
molehills."
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