Fms Jokes Page 65

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night-light, turned on the answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.

The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away.

"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

Gladys Dunn was new in town and decided to visit the church nearest to her
new apartment.

She appreciated the pretty sanctuary and the music by the choir, but the sermon went on and on. Worse, it wasn't very interesting. Glancing around, she saw many in the congregation nodding off.

Finally it was over. After the service, she turned to a still sleepy-looking gentleman next to her, extended her hand and said, "I'm Gladys Dunn."

He replied, "You and me both!"

"Political Correctness For Kids"

- Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage-restrictive."

- Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

- You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

- No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."

- You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

- You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

- It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information."

- The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

- Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

- You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."

- You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

- You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

- You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.

Jokes Main Index

Chuckles..66