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Waterfall |
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Bathtub
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Angel
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St. Francis |
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Variety of Statues |
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Odds &
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Wildlife |
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Words
of
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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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New York
City Trip |
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M
OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a
hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc.
SOOOOoooooooooo I'm the only one who would be using female
products.....CORRECT?
A STRANGE thing was happening at my house.
Tampons were disappearing! Yes, DISAPPEARING!!
Ok....A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon
and there was ONLY one left. I could have sworn I had just bought
a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box
and forget about it.
The next month I go back to the cupboard...and VOILA....there is
only ONE tampon left again.
What's going on here? ALIENS?!?! I go to the store and buy another
box, and forget about it.
WELL.....I decided to clean out my two youngest sons closet and
LOW and BEHOLD....at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers,
applicators and the tampons themselves.
I am starting to FREAK!!! Dear God, what are they doing with
them???
I get a hold of myself and tell myself that I am an adult and can
handle this, despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind.
I'm thinking, "Do I have enough money saved up in the bank
for MAJOR THERAPY?"
I go to the top of the stairs and yell for my two youngest sons to
"COME HERE!!!!"
They march up the stairs and find me in their room staring into
the bottom of their closet.
I said, "What are you doing with THOSE? THOSE are MINE!"
My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is
silent.
My 10 year old looks at me all innocent and says. "Well, Mom,
we were playing with our G.I. Joes and stuff...and THOSE make
really good SCUD missiles...
What do YOU use them for?"
"NEVER MIND...GO PLAY!!!"
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Gotta
Love Those Cops With a Sense of Humor.....
The following were taken off of actual police car videos around
the country.
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you
didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from
my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that
means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do
that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you
are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey
poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas
but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal
friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your
bail."
and the best one . . .
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right,
we don't.
Sign here"
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