FMS Jokes Page 62

In The News - the FDA finally approves new drugs for women :

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration and credit limit of spending spree.

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
ncreases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?"

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Valentine's Day Poem Contest...

Asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line for a valentine:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
but I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other,
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming,
That'! s why I always wake up screaming.

My love you take my breath away,
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

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