FMS Jokes Page 57

Amazing....

COWS:
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. They also tracked her calves to their stalls ... but they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. I’m for giving them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION:
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart people, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS:
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse ; you cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", "Thou shalt not commit adultery", “Thou shalt not kill”, and "Thou shalt not bear false witness" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment" which is against the law that they uphold.

Ginnilee's Fibro Jokes....

1. How many fibro sufferers does it take to get through one day?
Answer: 13- 12 for two hours each, and 1 to wear all of the necessary medical equipment from the muscle strain it causes.

2. What did the hypochondriac say to the fibro sufferer?
Answer: "Do you have an extra splint? I think I hurt my arm just looking at yours."

3. And then there was the fibro sufferer taking a walk in early-morning in San Francisco. She hobbled up to the first person she saw and said, "Thank God I'm not the only one feeling foggy this morning!"

4. How many fibro sufferers does it take to clean the house?
Answer: 50, but then you can't find the carpet.

5. Why did the fibro sufferer cross the road?
Answer: To get to the pain clinic on the other side.

6. How does a fibro sufferer make dinner for 12 people?
Answer: "Hello, Domino's?"

7. Having Fibromyalgia is an enlightening experience, but when you have to yell "Turn off that @#*& lamp" and realize it's the sun, you know it's time to lie down and have someone wait on you hand and foot.

8. A chronic fatigue sufferer, a lupus sufferer and a fibro sufferer meet n a coffee shop. All three are talking about how their conditions affect them, when the chronic fatigue sufferer says, "I'm always so tired that I can't get out of bed without my husband bringing me some coffee to get my engine started first thing in the morning. If it weren't for him, I don't
know what I'd do."
The lupus sufferer looks at her friend, and says, "I'm so achy all the time that I don't know what hurts more- my insides or my muscles. Any time I spend in sunlight makes me break out more."
The fibro sufferer sighs and set her coffee down. "I've both those problems, and the fog besides. I think LA sees less fog/smog that I do. My boyfriend not only has to get me chocolate coffee first thing, but it takes both him and the cat to get me into the shower most mornings." "Hmm."
The chronic fatigue sufferers muses. "God must love everyone with our diseases more than the rest of the world." "Why is that?" The lupus sufferer asks. "Why, didn't you know?" The fibro sufferer asks, "Somebody has to eat all of that chocolate!."

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."