| HOME |
|
|
Garden
Tour |
|
|
Totems |
|
|
Fairy
Garden |
 |
|
Archways |
|
|
Birds |
 |
|
Bird
Stations |
|
|
Backyard
Bird List |
|
|
Flowers |
|
|
Main Pond |
|
|
Corner
Pond |
|
|
Waterfall |
|
|
Bathtub
Pond |
 |
|
Angel
Statues |
|
|
St. Francis |
 |
|
Variety of Statues |
 |
|
Odds &
Ends |
|
|
Wildlife |
|
|
Words
of
Wisdom |
|
|
Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
 |
|
New York
City Trip |
 |
| |
|
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best
patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my
operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside
is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are
the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction
workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts
left over at the end, and when the job takes longer
than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are
interchangeable.
|
|
|
A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The
doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he
would be with him in just a few minutes.
Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed
that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk:
a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my
first exam... I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the
glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant,
the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the
door.
The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Come
on, nurse!!!... I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"
|
|
|
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition. Here are this year's winners:
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.
Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intraveno! usly when you are
running late.
Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)
Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come very quickly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets
into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a
grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
|
|
|
|
|
