FMS Jokes Page 51

A - YOU'RE      ADORABLE...
From Susan-

A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, But now it won't float!

Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now A's for Arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C is the chest pains,
perhaps car-di-ac?

D is for dental
decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures, and fluid retention,

G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure- I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low
O is for osteo the bones that don't grow!

P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R is reflux one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepiness nights. counting my fears,
T for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!

U is urinary, big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy' you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?

X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year 'm left here behind.
Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed and I've kept twenty six doctor's fully employed!!

THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind; I've even used the internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online'.

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!

North Vs. South

The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens

The North has lobsters,
The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt..