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Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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GRANDPARENTS
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As
she heard the children getting more
and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a
towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them
back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old ask with a trembling voice, "Who was
THAT?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was
like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our
pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she
said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do
you know how you and God are alike?"!
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we
alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it
about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied.
"I can't read."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her.
I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would
tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I
continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I
think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were
ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could
tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall
not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife,"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about
the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under
the Sea."
The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him
wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted
Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the
20,000 leaks!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use,
Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied,
"I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma! ," he advised.
"Mine says I'm four."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies
today." The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to
keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make
babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change
"y" to "i" and add 'es'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Children's Logic
Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you
know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It
means carrying a child."
********************
A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one
morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup
of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were
three of those little green army men in the cup.
She asked, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my
coffee?"
Her grandson answered, "Grandma, it says on TV - "The
best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"
**********************
Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of
their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Jimmie's picture
which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which
story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt." said Jimmy.
"I see, and that must be Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus,"
Ms Susie said. But who's this person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot."
************************
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of
kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the
front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The children started
discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the
dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant.
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