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Angel
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St. Francis |
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Variety of Statues |
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Odds &
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Wildlife |
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Words
of
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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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New York
City Trip |
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A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before
you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around
these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the guy.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up.
What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you
can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in
Heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in
the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and
standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had
worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They
run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they
had. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and
caviar.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who
has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good
time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a
big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven
where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven."
So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of
contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in
Heaven. Now choose your eternity."
He reflects for a minute, then the senator answers,
"Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I
think I would be better off in Hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the
middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his
friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black
bags. The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator.
"Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and
caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland
full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning... Today you voted for
us!" |
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An old fellow was celebrating 92 years on this Earth. He spoke
to his toes.
"Hello, toes!" he said, "How are you, toes?
You know, you are 92 today. Oh, the times we've had!
Remember we walked in the park in summer every Sunday afternoon.
The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday,
toes!"
"Hello, knees," he continued. "How are you,
knees? You know you're 92 today
Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade?
Oh the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday
knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You
little bugger, if you were alive today, you'd be 92."
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