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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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Disorder in
the American Courts....
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place!
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the
> autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A. Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere in Massachusetts. |
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Gynecologist or
Mechanic...
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and
was on the verge of being burnt out. Hoping to try another career
where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change
careers and become a mechanic.
He found out from the local technical college what was involved,
signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned
all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the
gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam
with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was
surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't
want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I
wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine
apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put
the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50%
of the mark." The instructor went on to say, " I gave
you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler.
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