Fms Jokes Page 16

Twelve Truths.....

12. Life is sexually transmitted.

11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet, and they won't bother you for weeks.

8. Some people are like Slinkies.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

3. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR 2004--

Many terrorists come to America legally and hang around on expired visas (some for as long as 10-15 years). Now take Blockbuster, for example.

You're two days late with a video rental and those people are all over you.

I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration!

Choking near a hillbilly...

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot or two of whiskey, they begin to talk about the 'moonshine'  operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table in the bar, who
is  eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes  apparent that she is in real distress......

One of the hillbillies looks at the  coughing woman and asks her, "Kin ya swallar?"..The woman violently shakes her  head 'no'....

"Kin ya breathe?", he asks the woman. The woman now begins to turn blue and shakes he head 'no'.....

The hillbilly then gets up and walks  over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and  quickly gives her right butt cheek a long lick with his tongue.....

The woman is so shocked that she has  a violent spasm that causes the obstruction to fly out of her mouth, thus  allowing her to breathe normally....

As the woman begins to regain her  breathing and composes herself, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the  bar....

His partner looks at him and states, "Ya know, I'd done heerd of  that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I aint never seed nobody do  it!"

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