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St. Francis |
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Variety of Statues |
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Odds &
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Words
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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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New York
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Welcome To
Our Chuckle Corner
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He'll Find Us.....
TWO men crashed in their private plane on a deserted South
Pacific Island. Both survived. One of the men brushed himself off
and then proceeded to run all over the island to see
if they had any chance of survival. When he returned, he rushed up
to the other man and screamed, "This island is
uninhabited; there is no food, there is no water! We are going to
die!"
The other man leaned back against the fuselage of the
wrecked plane, folded his arms, and responded, "No,
we're not. I make over $250,000 a week."
The first man grabbed his friend and shook him.
"Listen, we are on an uninhabited island. There is no food,
no water, and we are going to die!" The other man,
unruffled, again responded, "No, we are not! I make
over $250,000 a week!"
Mystified, the first man, taken aback with such
an answer, repeated loudly and slowly, "For...the....last...time...I'm...telling...you...WE...ARE
..DOOMED! There is NO ... ONE...ELSE... ON... THE ...ISLAND!
There...is...NO...FOOD...OR...WATER! I
repeat: WE...ARE...GOING...TO... DIE... A...
SLOW... DEATH!"
Still unfazed, the other man looked the first man in the eyes and
said,
"Do not make me say this again. I MAKE OVER
$250,000 A WEEK.
My pastor will find us!"
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Heaven or Hell....
A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul
arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high
official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do
with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the guy.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What
we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then
you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,"
says the senator.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in
the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and
standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians
who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening
attire. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the
good times they had. They play a friendly game of golf and then
dine on lobster and caviar.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who
has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a
good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone
gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The
elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven."
So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of
contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24
hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in
Heaven. Now choose your eternity." He reflects for a minute,
then the senator answers, "Well, I would never have said it,
I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better
off in Hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the
middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees
all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting
it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on
his neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator.
"Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club
and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now
all there is, is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look
miserable.
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning... Today you voted for
us!" |
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