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Garden
Tour |
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Totems |
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Fairy
Garden |
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Archways |
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Birds |
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Bird
Stations |
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Backyard
Bird List |
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Flowers |
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Main Pond |
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Corner
Pond |
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Waterfall |
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Bathtub
Pond |
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Angel
Statues |
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St. Francis |
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Variety of Statues |
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Odds &
Ends |
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Wildlife |
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Words
of
Wisdom |
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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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New York
City Trip |
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"A Daughter's
Letter"
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the
bed.
With the worst premonition she reads it, with trembling hands:
Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I
eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is
so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But it's not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we
will be happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have
many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.
I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be
growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all
the cocaine and ecstasies we may want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find a cure for AIDS,
so Ahmed will get better. He deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care
of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your
grandchildren.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I
just wanted to
show you that there are worse things in life than a report
card.......... that's in my desk drawer.
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How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the
phone."
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The Wooden Leg.....
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He
doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so
he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg,
you will be just right as a pirate..
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his
wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by
and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will
cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really
look the part.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing
his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the
company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir, Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up
your ass and go as a caramel apple
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
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