FMS Jokes Page 9A

How well do you know your trees?

It's hard to find jokes that are clean these days but, here it goes...not a dirty word is used.........

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch:

"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.

He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.

It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in

I shall seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake, and sweat until you moan and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I finish with you.

And you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

The Mommy Test.....

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why? "Because it's been laying outside and it is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow!
How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, "...all moms knows this stuff. Um, it's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get It!" she beamed. "So if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."

During a church meeting one evening, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the folks, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm just such a big boob." The Reverend rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. In this church we like big boobs."

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