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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!!

New York
City Trip

Joys of Jogging

1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life.  This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month

2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again

3. I joined a health club last year, spending $400 in the process.  I haven't lost a pound.  Apparently you have to show up

4. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing

5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

6. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier

7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them

8. If you are going to take up cross-country skiing, it helps to start with a small country

9. I don't jog; it makes me spill my milk shake

10. Actually, I don't exercise at all.  If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our body
                                                                

 
The  Millionaire....

This young lady was on "The Millionaire" show and was doing well until she got to the last question.
The question was, "Which bird does not build it's own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it, (A) the condor, (B) the buzzard, (C) the cuckoo, or (D) the vulture?"
 
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her audience poll lifeline. All that remained was her phone-a-friend lifeline. The woman's only friend that would be home was Jenny, a blonde.  She called Jenny, gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "The answer is (C): The cuckoo."
 
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy by giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certantity, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
 
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Regis said, "I regret to inform you that the answer is........absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"
 
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of you, I am now a millionaire.  It was your certainty that convinced me to go with your choice. How did you know the right answer?"
 
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks!"

                                                                       


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Chuckles..25
 


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