FMS Jokes Page 13a

DEAR ANN LANDERS:

I loved the letters you printed about misinterpreting the Lord's Prayer. When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say this prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door, I could hear them say, "Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses." My husband and I always had a good laugh over this. That was over 50 years ago, and the memory still remains in my heart.

From San Francisco: When I was a child, I learned this prayer as "Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name." I always thought that was God's real name.

Groton, Mass. My mother spent her early childhood saying,
"Hail Mary, full of grapes."

Missoula, Mont. My son, who is in nursery school, said,
"Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?"

Uniontown, Ohio I remember thinking this prayer was
"Give us this day our jelly bread."

Covina, Calif. I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."

Cleveland, Ohio When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know: "I pledge allegiance to the flag.. and to the republic for Richard Stands."

Schenectady, N.Y. I once knew a child whose favorite Sunday school song was "Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear."

Tampa, Fla. When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain prayer was "He suffered under a bunch of violets." The real words were "under Pontius Pilate," but at that age, he didn't know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read.

Lake Forest Park, Wash. When I was a little girl, we sang a song in Sunday school about Noah. Part of the chorus was "And the rains came down, and the floods came up." We lived next door to a couple of charming little girls who always sang this song while playing in their garden. Their words were, "And the rains came down, and the spuds came up."

Oak Harbor, Wash. When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at
her arm and asked, "What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned
that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get to your seat."

Grand Junction, Colo. When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.

Blonde Bowlers....

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rode in the bottom deck of the bus and the blonde team rode on the top level. The brunette team down below was whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realized she didn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. The brunette asked, "What is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the blondes said, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"