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REFLECTIONS ON
LEARNING
FOR STUDENTS & PARENTS
An Online Publication written by Robert Kirwan
Presented by The Learning Clinic Education Centre |
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Special Messages To
Motivate & Inspire Students & Parents
by Robert Kirwan, O.C.T., B.A.(Math),
M.A.(Education)
Professional Learning Coach & Director of
The Learning Clinic Education Centre
The
Purpose of Life Is To Matter; To Count; To Stand for something; To
Have It Make Some Difference That We Lived At All......Leo
Rosten
REFLECTIONS ON LEARNING FOR STUDENTS AND PARENTS is one of a series of online publications that
are being made available through The Learning Clinic Education
Centre.
Whether you are a student, parent, or
grandparent, I think you will agree that Leo Rosten's
quotation above says it all. This is our purpose in life. To
make a difference in the lives of others. I have taken on many
roles during my own life. A husband, a parent, a teacher, a
son, a brother, a friend - no matter what hat I wore, as I
look back over my life I like to think that I have made a
difference in the lives of the people I have touched.
And now, in my role as a Professional Learning Coach, I am
convinced that this is what living life to the fullest is all
about. It is one of the main reasons why I have created this
online publication, STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESS. Life is all about discovery; finding hidden talents and interests; experiencing
all there is about life so that you can make wise decisions as you grow
and develop into a mature, responsible individual? That should be the
purpose of education. It is about learning who you are and
being true to yourself so that you can fulfill your dreams and
enjoy a career in which you can find satisfaction and
happiness, not only in your work but in every aspect of your
life.
I want to share with you a little story that I feel expresses how I feel
about THE LEARNING CLINIC EDUCATION CENTRE and my role as a
Professional Learning Coach. I know I am only one person, and
it will be hard to change the world, but I think you will soon
see why this is one of my favourite stories of all time and
why I return to this story often for inspiration.
It is called The Star Thrower, and is written by Loren Eiseley. Her story
has been told and retold so many times that I am sure it would be next to
impossible to find the original version, but the story goes something like
this:
THE
STAR THROWER
Once upon a time there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to
walk along the beach and enjoy the waves crashing upon the rocks. Early
one morning he was walking along the shore by himself. As he looked down
the deserted beach, he saw a human figure in the distance. As he got
closer to the stranger, he saw that it was a young teenage boy. The boy
was reaching down to the sand, picking up something and very gently
throwing it into the ocean. As the old man got closer, he yelled out,
"Good morning, young fellow. What are you doing?"
The teenager paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish
back in the ocean."
"Why on earth are you doing that?" asked the old man.
The boy replied, "Because the sun is up and the tide is going out.
If I don’t throw them in they’ll die."
The old man looked at the teenager in disbelief and said, "But the
beach goes on for miles and miles and there are starfish all along it. You
can’t possibly make a difference."
The young boy listened politely, then bent down, picked up another
starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said,
"It made a difference for that one." And then the very wise
young boy continued on his way down the beach, bending down and throwing
starfish after starfish back into the ocean.
Whenever I feel like I am up against tremendous odds and that my
efforts are hopeless in the larger scheme of things, I think about The
Starfish Thrower. I would advise every student, parent and grandparent
to
make a copy of this story and keep it somewhere handy so that every time
you wonder about your worthiness you can read it.
We have all been gifted with the ability to make a difference. It is
just like Leo Rosten stated in the title to this article: "The
purpose of life is to matter; to count; to stand for something; to have it
make some difference that we lived at all".
It is my personal belief that there is something very special in each
and every one of us. It is also my belief that it is our responsibility as
human beings to reach out to the people who come into our life and make a
difference by sharing those special gifts. And the wonderful thing is that
we can all accomplish this with very little effort.
You may not be able to change the world, and you may not be able to
make a difference to everyone, but you certainly can make a difference to
most of the people you meet.
The young boy in the story understood this very important meaning of
life. He represents all young persons who have the courage to experience
all there is to encounter along their journey of life. They are not afraid
to reach out and try new things.
The old man in the story had become
skeptical from his experiences with others. He had adopted the philosophy
that if he cannot change the world, there is no use in even trying. He
would sit back and do nothing to save the starfish.
What he learned from
the young boy on the beach is that even if the odds are against you and it
seems as if there is little you can do, what little you can get done will
definitely make some difference. It doesn’t matter how long your journey
may be, you can still only get there one step at a time.
Don’t miss out on a golden opportunity to make it a real difference
that you have lived at all. Live your life to the fullest and be the best
you can be.
PREFACE
"Decide
On Your Big Goals First And Stay Focused!"
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I
recently read an interesting book one day written by Eileen
Shapiro and Howard Stevenson. The name of the book was “Make
Your Own Luck”.
The book was based on the fact that every action we
take during the course of our life is a ‘bet’. In other
words, the actions we take today and the decisions we make are
based on the expectation or hope, but not the certainty, of
achieving certain desired results in the future.
Human beings we bet all of the time. We cannot avoid
it. Everything we do in life is a bet. It is a bet that the
time and resources we invest now through our actions will
achieve some desired benefit as a result of those actions.
Even the act of driving our car is a bet that the choices we
make along the way will get us to our destination point.
Sometimes we lose that bet if our car breaks down or we get
involved in an accident. When we drive over the speed limit,
we are betting that there won’t be a police officer around
the corner. The list of daily bets is endless.
What amazed me most about this book was the way the
authors were able to explain how easy it is for us to gain
control of our life simply by becoming more focused on the
“big goals” instead of all of the smaller ones. We
can dramatically improve our odds of achieving our desired
results and therefore go from depending on dumb luck to
actually taking more control over our own destinies.
This message really hit home in one of the early
chapters when the authors were relating an experience they had
one day while conducting a job interview for the position of
manager of one of their companies. A man named Dean Kamen was
one of the candidates for the position and he was asked a
number of questions during the course of the interview. One of
the questions was, “Imagine you are stranded on a deserted
island. If you could choose one person to be stranded with
you, who would it be?”
The authors expected Mr. Kamen to give one of the
typical answers that people usually give to this question,
such as, “your spouse, a great philosopher, an athlete, a
famous religious figure, a sexy movie star, a story teller or
a close friend or family member.” What would your answer be?
Mr. Kamen surprised the authors with his answer. He
thought for a moment and then said, “The world’s best boat
builder.”
Mr. Kamen realized that his ‘big goal” was to get
off the island. He could have selected a companion who would
make life much easier for himself while he was stranded on the
island waiting to be saved. Instead, he selected a companion
who would be able to help him get off the island and thus
control his own destiny.
Needless to say, Mr. Kamen got the job.
The message for all of us is that as long as we keep
our big goals in mind and take actions that will help us move
towards those big goals, we will increase the odds of
achieving our desired outcomes. Our chances of ‘winning’
most of the bets we make in this ‘game of life’ will be
much greater if we think more like Mr. Kamen. If we want to
‘get off the island’ on which we are ‘stranded’ , then
we should be thinking about finding a ‘boat builder’, not
someone who will merely make us comfortable in our misery.
If life truly is a series of “bets”, then I want to
increase my odds of winning every time I place a bet. By
focusing on what I need to achieve the “big goals” in my
life those odds will be improved and I will be in control of
my own destiny.
I
hope that in some small way, the stories that are part of
STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESS will help you focus on your big goals.
I also hope that some of the suggestions and advice you are
about to read will help you develop strategies that will help
you successfully achieve your goals.
This
online publication is meant to be read in small doses. Take a
look at the titles and go to the ones that jump off the screen
at you. Trust your intuition. Go with your heart and find your
passion. My job as your Professional Learning Coach is to help
you along the way. I want to be your "boat builder".
I want to get you off the island you are on right now and take
you to your destiny.
Let's
enjoy the trip!
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The Learning
Clinic Presents...
REFLECTIONS ON LEARNING
FOR STUDENTS & PARENTS
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PART
ONE |
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PART
TWO |
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BACK
TO THE MAIN TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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This
Is The Only House You Will Ever Really Live In - Built It Right The
First Time |
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I’ve met a lot of people over the course of my
lifetime. Some I remember with fondness and some I would rather forget.
While I was working as the Director of Public Relations for the Hanmer
Valley Shopping Centre, I met a quiet, unassuming gentleman
who has taught me a lot more about life than he can ever imagine. I want
to share his story with you.
John Lancia was the
custodian of the shopping center. He retired at the end of March after a
career that spanned 27 years. What is most remarkable about this man is
that he is 77 years old. His working life has included 15 years with the
railway, 20 years in the mines, and 27 years working for Mr. Val Mazzuca at
the mall.
During the retirement
party which was held for him I thought back to a story I once
read. Let me share it with you before I go any further about John. THE
CARPENTER'S GIFT
This
story is about an elderly carpenter who was ready to retire. He told his
employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and
live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He
would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.
The contractor was
sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more
house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy
to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy
workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end
his career.
When the carpenter
finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the
contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your
house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a
shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have
done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built
none too well. JOHN'S
HOUSE...
As I watched John going
around the room, being congratulated by some of his close friends and
family, and as I listened to the speeches that reflected upon this man’s
life, I realized how easy it is for us to fall into the same trap as the
carpenter in the story. So
often we build our lives in a distracted way, willing to put up less than
the best. So often at work we are content with giving a mediocre
performance and not giving the job our best effort.
And then we are shocked when we look at the situation we have
created and realize we are now living in the “house we have built”.
We should all think of
ourselves as the carpenter. Each day we are building our house. Everything
we do is like hammering another nail, placing a board or erecting a wall.
We should take care and build it wisely. It is the only life we will ever
build. Even if you live for only one more day, that day deserves to be
lived graciously and with dignity.
I looked over at John.
He was overwhelmed with the attention he was receiving from his employer,
his friends, from former mayors and other people who held esteemed
positions in the community. John Lancia – a custodian – receiving all
of this attention from so many important people.
John spent the evening
thanking everyone for making the evening so special. He and his wife,
Chummy came to see me the following week to ask me if I could put
something in The Vision Paper to express their appreciation to everyone who came
to the party.
When he left my office
I thought back to the party. Over 100 people gathered together. They were
not there to say good bye and give their best wishes to a custodian. They
were there to pay tribute to a “master carpenter”. A person who
treated everyone he met with respect. A person who couldn’t do enough to
help other human beings – friend or stranger. A person who never thought
about what he could get out of life, but what he could give to life –
what he could give to others. A person who was totally committed and
focused on his family.
I will extend your
expression of appreciation to everyone who came to your party, John. But
on behalf of everyone who has ever met that, friendly and helpful
custodian at the Hanmer Valley Shopping Centre, I also want to thank you,
John, for showing us how to build our own house. You gave us a gift that
will last forever. Everyone of us who came to your party were coming to
admire the house you built – to extend our thanks to you, for allowing
us to enter your “house” and seeing what can be done when you put your
heart and soul into every day of your life.
Our life today is the
result of our attitudes and choices in the past. Our life tomorrow will be
the result of our attitudes and the choices we make today.
All we can hope for is to be able to one day live in a house as
wonderful as John Lancia’s.
And so the message for all young students is pretty clear. As you go
through life, make sure that you give your best effort at all times. Live
life to the fullest. You are building your own 'house' with everyone you
meet and with every action. People are watching you. They want to see what
kind of 'carpenter' you are. Make sure you are proud of 'your house' -
it's the only one you'll ever have. BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS
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An Invitation To Move To The I Can
Do It Street - Explore! Dream! Discover!
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As I sit here typing this editorial I am looking at a small piece
of paper that is taped to the top edge of my computer desk. On that paper
is written one of my favourite inspirational quotes. I look at it often,
especially when I come to a decision that could end up being a major
turning point in my life.
The quote
is:
“Twenty years from now you will
be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do, than by the things you
did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch
the tradewinds in your sails. Explore! Dream! Discover!”
I recall one spring day
looking at that quotation as I was considering embarking on a
personal journey which could allow me to start a whole new career of
service that would not only change the rest of my life but would also enable
me to make a real difference in the lives of the people around me. I
remember that as I was considering whether or not to accept this
tremendous challenge I would often stare at the quote above my computer
and I realized that if I turned down this opportunity I might regret it
for the rest of my life.
The thing that finally
convinced me to go ahead with my decision and open up my own private
practice as a Professional Learning Coach was a little article I came
across written by Larry Harp, called ‘Leaving The City of Regret”. Let
me share the story in the author’s own words. As you are reading it,
think about what is going on in your own life right now and see if Larry
Harp has a message for you in the story.
“I
had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found
myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and
I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. I'm talking about my
annual "GUILT TRIP."
I
got tickets to fly there on Wish I Had airlines. It was an extremely short
flight. I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it
myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what
might have been. No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the
Regret
City
International
Airport. I say international because people from
all over the world come to this dismal town.
As
I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting
the year's most important event, the Annual Pity Party. I wasn't going to
miss that great social occasion. Many of the leading citizens in town
would be there.
First,
there would be the Done family. You know, Should Have, Would Have and
Could Have. Then came the I Had family. You probably know ol' Wish I Had
and his clan. Of course, the Opportunities would be present; Missed and
Lost. The biggest family would be the Yesterday's. There are far too many
of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share.
Then
Shattered Dreams would surely make an appearance. And It's Their Fault
would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his
life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don't Blame Me and I
Couldn't Help It.
Well,
to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party knowing that
there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very
depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought
back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent
"pity party" could be cancelled by ME! I started to truly
realize that I did not have to be there. I didn't have to be depressed.
One thing kept going through my mind, I CAN'T CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT I DO
HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE TODAY A WONDERFUL DAY. I can be happy, joyous,
fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging. Knowing this, I left the
City of
Regret
immediately and left no forwarding
address.”
Once I finished reading
the story I was convinced that there was only one real choice for me to
make. I simply had to step forward and accept this new challenge and the
opportunity to be of service to my community and to the thousands of
students, parents and teachers who might be able to benefit from my own
experiences. And so here I am. No matter
what happens during the rest of my life, I will always have the
satisfaction of knowing that I tried. Of having thrown off the bowlines
and sailed from the safe harbour. This has been a personal journey of
discovery and fulfillment.
The
Learning Clinic Education Centre is well on its way to being everything I
could have dreamed.
Above
all else, I am happy and proud to say that I live on I CAN DO IT STREET!
There
is plenty of room on that street.
And
so, I throw out an invitation to all students to come along and be my
neighbour! Make sure that as you work your way through the education
system in search of meaning to your life you Explore! Dream! Discover! all
there is in your path. Accept new challenges with all of your heart and
give it your best. You may not always find success, but at least you won't
find yourself living in the City of Regret.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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Why
Elephants Don't Run and Eagles Don't Fly |
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A number of years ago,
while attending a circus with my children, I noticed a group of elephants
in an open area. Each of these gigantic beasts was being held by only a
small rope tied to their front leg. There were no chains and no fences
around them. It was pretty obvious that the elephants could break away
from their bonds at any time, but for some reason they did not. I went
over to one of the trainers and asked why these beautiful, magnificent
animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well," he
said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size
rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow
up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They think the
rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."
It struck me as amazing
that these strong, gigantic animals could at any time break free from
their bonds but because they believed they could not, they were stuck
right where they were.
Every now and then I
think back to the elephants and I wonder how many of us go through life
hanging on to a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we
failed at it once before? How many of us are being held back by old,
outdated beliefs that no longer serve us? Have you avoided trying
something new because you felt that you would fail? Worse, how many of us
are being held back by someone else's limiting beliefs about our ability
to succeed in a different venture?
Particularly in
starting or running a business, or in changing careers, we are often
cautioned not to take risks, to play it safe, to keep the status quo,
usually by well intentioned friends and family. How many of us have heard,
"You can't do that?" These are the dream stealers who, due to
their own limiting beliefs, attempt to discourage you from living your own
dreams. The ‘dream-stealers’ are like the small ropes that hold the
elephants. You can break away from them at any time, but you have been
held by them for so long that you never try – just like the elephants.
There is only one way
to handle “dream-stealers”. You must ignore them at all cost.
Instead, find people who have accomplished what you want to
accomplish, discover what they did and model their behavior. Remember back
to times in your past when you were successful and use that experience to
propel yourself forward.
The next time you doubt
your ability to accomplish your dreams, or you are challenging yourself
with your own limiting beliefs, pull out the following story.
WHY SOME EAGLES DON'T
FLY
Once upon a time, there
was a large mountainside, where an eagle's nest rested. The eagle's nest
contained four large eagle eggs. One day an earthquake rocked the mountain
causing one of the eggs to roll down the mountain, to a chicken farm,
located in the valley below. The chickens knew that they must protect and
care for the eagle's egg, so an old hen volunteered to nurture and raise
the large egg.
One day, the egg
hatched and a beautiful eagle was born. Sadly, however, the eagle was
raised to be a chicken. Soon, the eagle believed he was nothing more than
a chicken. The eagle loved his home and family, but his spirit cried out
for more.
While playing a game on
the farm one day, the eagle looked to the skies above and noticed a group
of mighty eagles soaring in the skies. "Oh," the eagle cried,
"I wish I could soar like those birds." The chickens roared with
laughter, "You cannot soar with those birds. You are a chicken and
chickens do not soar."
The eagle continued
staring at his real family up above, dreaming that he could be with them.
Each time the eagle would let his dreams be known, he was told it couldn't
be done. That is what the eagle learned to believe. The eagle, after time,
stopped dreaming and continued to live his life like a chicken. Finally,
after a long life as a chicken, the eagle passed away.
It has been said
throughout history that what ever you believe, with conviction, you can
achieve. Don't be like the poor elephant and go through your life stuck
because of a limiting belief you were given or developed years ago.
Don’t be like the eagle and go through your life listening to the words
of a chicken.
Take charge of your life and live it to the fullest. You
deserve the best! You will become what you believe you are.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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Tell
Mom And Dad I Lied...It's All My Fault |
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One day I overheard
two teenage girls in the mall complaining about their parents. One of them
was upset because her parents wouldn’t let her go out on a date with a
guy named Fred, who was three years older than her. The girls were making
plans to trick her parents into thinking they were having a sleep-over.
I was tempted to go
over to the two girls and tell them the following story about a girl named
Jenny:
TELL MOM AND DAD I
LIED...
Jenny
was happy about the end of the school year. It had turned out to be a
really great year. She and her family had moved to a nice neighbourhood
the previous summer and she had made a lot of new friends. As she unloaded
her books on the last day of school, she could hardly hold back her
excitement as she looked forward to her date that night.
Finally,
after a whole year, the star of the school hockey team had asked her out, but
since her parents felt she was too young for him, she had to tell them a
little lie. Instead of telling them about her date, she had asked them if
she could spend the night with her girlfriends at a sleep-over. Her
parents reluctantly agreed
The
party was great, and everything was going super until her date, Jeff, who
was already half drunk, began smoking some "joints" that a
friend had brought over. He then convinced her to go for a "little
ride" with him to "Look Out Point". Jenny couldn’t refuse
and risk being embarrassed in front of the crowd, so she went along. After
they arrived at the ‘Point’, Jeff began to get a little too fresh and
Jenny shoved him away, demanding to be taken home. She thought,
"Perhaps my parents were right...maybe I am too young. How stupid am
I?
Angrily,
Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas. In seconds they were going
too fast. Jenny begged him to slow down, but he just went faster as they
neared town. Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash and knew they were
going to crash.
She
felt someone move her from the twisted wreck and heard, "Call an
ambulance! These kids are in trouble."
She
heard a few more voices and realized that two cars were involved. She
wondered if Jeff was alive.
When
she woke in the hospital she was told that she’d been involved in a
pretty bad accident.
The
voices echoed inside her head when they told her that Jeff was dead.
They said, "Jenny, we’ve
done all we can do, but it looks as if we’ll lose you too.”
"But
the people in the other car?" Jenny cried.
"We’re
sorry, Jenny, but they also died."
Jenny
prayed. "God, forgive me for what I’ve done. I only wanted to have
one night of fun. Tell those people’s family I am so sorry. I only wish
I could bring their families back to them."
"Tell
Mom and Dad I lied, and that it’s my fault so many people have
died," Jenny begged the nurse. "Oh, please, won’t you tell
them that for me?"
The
nurse just stood motionless, looking sadly at Jenny, not saying a word.
She took Jenny’s hand with tears in her eyes and a few moments later,
Jenny died.
A
man who was standing nearby asked the nurse, "Why didn’t you agree
to give that girl her last request?"
She
looked at the man with sad eyes and said, "Because the people in the
other car were her Mom and Dad."
YOU
FACE TOUGH DECISIONS EVERY DAY...MAKE WISE ONES
Night-after-night,
teenagers everywhere are
facing tough decisions about dating, drinking, drugs, and peer pressure.
If you feel as if you
might be the girl I overheard
in the mall, I would advise you to go straight
to your parents, give them a big hug and thank them for caring. There will
be plenty of other "Fred’s" in your life. There will also be
plenty of other parties to go to. Invite your girlfriend over to your
house for the sleep-over, and ask your parents to join the two of you to
watch a movie or play some cards. Make this a special night for your
parents too, and always remember that some decisions in life can change
your direction for ever. This may be one of them.
If you know any young
person who may be facing the same kind of pressure that the girl in the
mall and Jenny faced in this story, please give them a copy of this story
before it is too late.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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Because of the 28 years I spent as a classroom teacher, I always enjoy
getting into the schools where I can talk to young boys and girls who have
so many questions about the exciting, yet unpredictable future that lies
ahead of them.
One boy I met recently
spoke about how he felt about living in our little town of
Valley East. “Sudbury
is
such a terrible place to grow up. I can’t wait to move away from this
dump and live in
Southern Ontario
.
Everything is big and modern down there. Life must be wonderful in the big
city."
I sat down with the
young lad and told him that I understood how he felt. “What you
are feeling is quite normal. Even adults often think that things would be
better in other circumstances. We are always looking for better jobs,
better houses, better places to vacation, etc. A lot of people think that Sudbury
is a dump, and not a place where they want to spend the rest of their
life.”
I then told him a
little story called, “The Golden Windows”.
There was once a young
boy living on a farm which seemed like it was so far away from everywhere.
He needed to get up before sunrise every morning to start his chores and
then go out again later to do the evening ones. During sunrise he would
take a break and climb up on the fence so in the distance he could see the
house with golden windows. He thought how great it would be to live there
and his mind would wander to imagine the modern equipment and appliances
that might exist in the house.
"If they can
afford golden windows, then they must have other nice things too." He
promised himself that some day he would go there and see this wonderful
place for himself.
Then one morning his
father told him to stay home and his father would do the chores. Knowing
that this was his chance, he packed a sandwich and headed across the field
towards the house with the golden windows.
As the afternoon went
on, he began to realize how he misjudged the distance, but something else
was also very wrong. As he approached the house, he saw no golden windows,
but instead a place with a broken down fence. He went to the tattered
screen door and knocked. A boy very close to his own age opened the door.
He asked him if he has
seen the house with the golden windows. The boy said, "Sure, I
know." and invited him to sit on the porch. As he sat there, he
looked back from where he just came where the sunset turned the windows on
his own home to Gold. YOU
HAVE EVERYTHING YOU ARE LOOKING FOR RIGHT HERE
And so, I said to the
young boy I was speaking to that day, and I say to all of my readers,
regardless of your age or personal circumstance, what appears in life to
be "golden" is sometimes just an illusion. You may not realize
it, but there are a lot of things about living in the
Sudbury
area, and
Valley East
in particular, that people in other places would love. To them, you are
the lucky ones. You have everything they are looking for - all you have to
do is look at things the right way.
In the story, the first
boy saw the sun reflecting on the distant windows each morning. To him,
that was the place where all the riches lie. To the other boy, who saw the
sun reflecting on the first boy’s windows as the sun set in the evening
that was where the riches must surely lie. It’s all a matter of
perception.
I told the young boy
that he will soon have his chance to discover for himself what lies
outside this region. However, all I asked of him was that he would every
once in a while look back to where he was coming from and see the golden
windows that we have right here in his old home town of Valley East
. BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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Are You An Egg; A Carrot; or a
Coffee Bean? |
|
At one point or another during your life it will seem as if everything is
going wrong. No matter what you do, your problems will just appear to get
worse and worse. You will get so tired of fighting and struggling you may
even think about giving up. When you encounter such a time, try to
remember the story I am about to share with you. It is about a father who
wanted to help his daughter put things into perspective one day when she
complained to him about how difficult her life had become.
The father, who was a chef, took his daughter into the kitchen. He filled
three pots with water and placed them each on a stove element. Soon all
three pots came to a boil. In one pot he placed carrots. In the other he
placed eggs, and in the last pot he placed ground coffee beans. He let
them sit and boil without saying a word.
The daughter sat impatiently,
wondering what he was trying to do. She had approached him with her
problems and all he could do was think about cooking. In a half hour he
walked over to the stove and turned off the elements. He pulled the
carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed
them in another bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed the liquid
in the third bowl.
He then turned to his daughter and asked, “Darling, what do you see?”
His daughter replied sarcastically, “Carrots, eggs and coffee.”
He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and
stated that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it.
After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he
asked her to sip the coffee. Her face frowned from the strength of the
coffee. When finished, she meekly asked, “Father, what does it mean?”
He explained, “The carrots, the eggs and the coffee all faced the same
adversity. They were all placed in boiling water at 100 degrees Celsius.
However, each one of them acted differently.”
He continued, “The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. But
after going through boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg
was fragile. A thin outer shell protected its liquid centre, but after
going through boiling water, its inside became hardened. The coffee beans
are unique however. After they were in boiling water, it became stronger
and richer.”
“Which are you,” he asked his daughter. “When adversity knocks at
your door, how do you respond?”
“Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? Are you the carrot that
seems hard, but with the smallest amount of pain, adversity, or heat, you
wilt and become soft with no strength? Are you the egg, which starts off
with a soft heart, a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a
divorce, or a layoff you became hardened and stiff. Your shell looks the
same, but you are bitter with a stiff spirit and heart, internally.”
“Or are you like the coffee bean,” he concluded. “The bean does not
get its peak flavour and robust aroma until it reaches 100 degrees
Celsius. When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better. When
things are at their worst, you get better. When people talk the most, your
praises increase. When the hour is darkest and trials are their greatest,
your worship elevates to another level.”
The young girl gave her father a hug and a kiss and never again
complained about her problems.
Rest assured that life will through you curves from time to time. No one
ever gets a free ride in this world. And also be prepared to “hit the
wall” several times in your life when it seems as if you will never
reach a solution to your problems.
When faced with seemingly
insurmountable obstacles, remember three things:
-
God would never give
you more adversity than you can handle;
-
Everything will be all right in
the end, so if everything is
not all right, it’s not the end; and
-
Be like a coffee bean - when
things are at their worst, you get better.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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The
Secret of Success May Be As Close As Your Last Failure |
|
We see successful people all around us. They are the ones who seem to
have the fanciest cars, biggest houses, great clothes and wonderfully
satisfying jobs. Many of us look at those people and dream of achieving
that level of success, if only we could discover their secret.
I once heard the president of a world famous computer company tell
someone that the secret of his success could be summed up in two words,
“Right decisions.”
When asked how he made right decisions, he responded, “Experience.”
Pressed further by the questioner, the president was asked how he got the
experience to make the right decisions.
To that the president quickly answered, “Wrong decisions.”
Isn’t that the truth?
The older I get the more I realize how little I knew when I was young. I
look back on all of the “wrong decisions” I have made in my life and
shake my head knowing that I certainly wouldn’t make the same mistakes
again. It is then that I realize I would not have gained the experience I
now have which allows me to make the right decisions were it not for the
mistakes I have made in the past.
So, does that mean that the older we get, the more chance we have of
making all the “right decisions”? The answer to that depends on
whether or not you are allowing yourself to take on new challenges and go
along different paths as you enter each wonderful stage of your life.
There are times when we long for a safe and secure existence, remaining
in that comfort zone with which we are familiar. It may seem as if we are
in a rut, but it is safe and we know what to expect. It is easy to be
successful in this comfort zone because we don’t take any new risks.
Decisions are easy because everything remains the same.
But real living is all about taking risks. It is about experiencing new
things and meeting new people. It is about expanding your circle of
friends and becoming involved. When we are fully live, we grow as persons.
When we stop growing, it is because we have stopped living. It is often
the fear of failure which prevents many of us from experiencing life to
the fullest, yet without failure we cannot be successful. It is quite a
dilemma.
To help myself get over the fear of failure, I rely on a piece of writing
I came across a long time ago that explained failure in a very positive
manner. Let me share it with you.
Failure does not mean I’m a failure; It just means I have not yet
succeeded.
Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing; It just means I have
learned something.
Failure does not mean I have disgraced myself; It just means that I have
dared to try.
Failure does not mean I don’t have it; It just means I have to do
something in a different way.
Failure does not mean I am inferior; It just means I am not perfect.
Failure does not mean I have wasted my life; It just means that I have an
excuse to start over.
Failure does not mean that I should give up; It just means that I should
try harder.
Failure does not mean that I will never make it; It just means that I
need more practice.
Life is a series of ups and downs. That is what makes life so precious.
We ride the emotional highs when we are successful and we experience the
lows when we fail. But we should take heart in knowing that the secret of
success may actually lie in our failures. Without failures from wrong
decisions, we would lack the experience to make the right decisions later
on in life. If there are some areas of your life right now in which you
feel you are failing in some way, or in which you are not satisfied, look
upon what has happened as a necessary step in achieving success. Then you
will use your time to look for opportunities to use your new wisdom
instead of dwelling on the failures and problems of the past.
I once heard a saying that went like this, “Everything is all right in
the end! If it isn’t all right, then it isn’t the end!” So if there
is something in your life that “isn’t all right yet”, just remember
that “it isn’t the end until it is all right” and that since
“everything is all right in the end” you really do have something to
look forward to.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
|
You Can Never Recall A Word Once
Spoken |
|
Many times we, as flawed
human beings, make a personal comment, or react to a situation in anger,
only to wish we could take back our words or say what we really wanted to
say in a different manner?
Human beings are, by nature, confrontational
animals. We like to get in the last word! We are quick to strike back with
a negative comment when we are angry or when we are insulted! We don’t
like to sit back and take criticism! Many times, our verbal attacks make
us feel good for the moment, but then we feel a sense of remorse and
regret afterwards when we realize that what we actually said may have
inflicted great pain on those around us. Consider the valuable lesson
about life a father taught his son in this little story and see if there
is a lesson for all of us.
"There
once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of
nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a
nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails
into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his
anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He
discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into
the fence.
Finally,
the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his
father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one
nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and
the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were
gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He
said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the
fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger,
they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and
draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the
wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."
Remember
the lesson that the young boy learned. "It won’t matter how many
times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as
bad as a physical one."
This
is a lesson that must be learned by children and adults alike. The very
people we hurt the most are usually the
people closest to us. So next time you find yourself about to react with a
verbal attack on someone you love, or someone you work with, remember that
words, once allowed to escape can never be recalled. Make sure that what
you say will not leave a wound for life.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
|
|
One of the things you learn
as you are going through the various stages of life is that no matter what
you are involved in, life has a way of throwing obstacles at you.
Just
when we start to get comfortable with a person, a place or a situation,
something comes along to change it. A friend moves away. A child graduates
and takes a job in another city or gets married. Unexpected expenses arise
which force you to use savings that were set aside for a vacation. Or you
get laid off from work.
Our
ability to cope with change and disruption determines, to a great degree,
our peace, happiness and contentment in life. But how do we develop this
ability to cope with change? How do we help children learn this skill?
Philosophers
have considered this question for centuries. According to the author of
the Book of Ecclesiastes, comfort can be found in remembering that
"to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under
heaven." A friend of mine once stated that in order to work for the
government, "survivability depends upon adaptability". I
recently watched a show on television where a
California
surfer summed up the answer to life’s
problems in four simple words: "Go with the flow."
The
Californian explained, "It’s like surfing. You can’t organize the
ocean. Waves just happen. You ride them where they take you, then you
paddle back out there and catch the next one. Sure, you’re always hoping
for the perfect wave, but mostly you just take them the way they
come."
Perhaps
the surfer has the answer we have been looking for.
Life
is nothing more than a series of events - both good and bad. No matter how
good your organizational skills or how well you have planned for all
eventualities, there will always be life-influencing factors over which
you have no control. The truly successful person expects the unexpected,
and is prepared to make adjustments should the need arise, as it almost
always does.
That
doesn’t mean you don’t keep trying to make your plans and dreams come
true. It just means that when things don’t go according to plan, you
just work around them and then move on. As the surfer said, "You ride
them where they take you, then you paddle back out there and catch the
next one."
What
we must all realize is that some obstacles are easier to take than others.
Missing a baseball game because of rain is easier to take than the sudden
death of a family member. But the principle is the same. "You ride
the wave where it takes you, then you paddle back out there and catch the
next wave, always searching for the perfect ride." In other words,
you work around the obstacle the best you can and then you move on with
your life.
People
have often commented on my ability to remain calm under difficult
circumstances. I merely tell them that the secret is to keep your planning
to a minimum. If I have to get to Sudbury, I will plan on taking the shortest route along
Hwy 69N. But, if for some reason I am forced to take a detour through
Garson or Rayside-Balfour, I have learned to simply enjoy the ride. I
will eventually get to . It may take a little longer, and the road may
be a little bumpier, but I will get there. I have also learned over the
years that usually when I am forced to take a detour, I encounter some
very worthwhile life-experiences along the way that I would have missed
had it not been for taking the detour. As weird as it sounds, I actually
look forward to the unexpected. It’s like opening a Christmas present -
you never know what you are going to find.
So,
as a student at the beginning of your exciting journey of life, let me
advise you not to fear change, but rather learn to cope with it by enjoying the ride and
then moving on with life.
Go with the flow!
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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“Make
the Most Of Your True Talents And Keep Your Dreams Alive ” |
|
We all want to be good at what we do. Whether we are
engaged in sporting activities, work related tasks or
recreational hobbies, we all have this intense desire to do
well.
Unfortunately, we soon come to realize that it is a
cruel fact of life that there is no way we can be good at
everything. Some people are natural athletes - others
couldn’t catch a ball if their life depended on it. Some
children are gifted students and come home with straight A’s
every year. Others struggle just to get passing marks.
If you ever get down on yourself, think about the
following story:
“Sparky didn’t have much going for him. He failed
every subject in the 8th grade and in high school
he flunked Latin, algebra, english and physics. He made the
golf team, but promptly lost the only important match of the
season, then lost the consolation match. He was awkward
socially - more shy than disliked. He never once asked a girl
to go out on a date in high school.
One thing, however, was important to Sparky - drawing!
He was proud of his artwork even though no one else
appreciated it. He submitted cartoons to the editors of his
high school yearbook, but they were turned down. Even so,
Sparky aspired to be an artist. After high school, he sent
samples of his artwork to the Walt Disney Studios. Again, he
was turned down.
Still, Sparky didn’t quit packing his suitcase! He
decided to write his own autobiography in cartoons. The
character he created became famous worldwide - the subject not
only of cartoon strips but countless books, television shows,
and licensing opportunities. Sparky, you see, was Charles
Shulz, creator of “Peanuts” comic strip. Like his
character, Charlie Brown, Shulz may not have been able to do
many things, but he made the most of what he could do.”
And so, we are
reminded almost every day that our job as parents and teachers is to provide
children with experiences and opportunities that will develop
their natural talents and skills to the fullest. We must help
them find what they do best, and once that discovery is made,
we must facilitate the development of those particular skills.
While it is always a admirable to help children strengthen
their weaknesses, we should never forget that it is impossible
for a child to grow up to become an adult who is “good” at
everything.
The good athlete should be encouraged to train and
develop his/her athletic skills and to explore careers that
will utilize those skills. The person who has a passion for
reading should be given every opportunity to read and fuel
that passion. The talented artist should be allowed the
freedom to be creative and excel in that field.
The biggest
challenge facing the education system today stems from the
fact that we are constantly facing pressure to have a child
achieve “straight A’s” in every subject on the report
card. A child who achieves A’s in
Reading
and Writing and C’s in Mathematics causes great concern for
his parents and teachers. He is often given extra help and
homework to bring up his math mark and although he may improve
his mark in math to B, he may have had to take time away from
Reading
and Writing, seeing those marks drop down to a B.
Our goal as a teachers and parents should be to
encourage the student to excel even more in
Reading
and Writing, aiming for an A+ in those areas. Research has
shown that as one improves his/her areas of strength, the
areas of weakness will also grow. By pushing for an A+ in
Reading
and Writing, there is every likelihood that you will also
bring the Math mark up to a B naturally without having to do
much extra work. The improved “learning skills” developed
in reading and writing will be transferred to other subjects.
So, if you
are one of the few who are good at everything you do, thank
your lucky stars every morning. If, however, you are like most
of us, follow the example of Charles Shulz and make the most
of what you can do. Find your passion and add fuel to it for
the rest of your life. Everything else will follow.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS
|
|
“Look To Your Weaknesses To
Discover Your Strengths” |
|
Summer
time provides and excellent opportunity for each of us to slow
down and truly take stock of our life. We can look back to see
what we’ve accomplished along the way and look forward to
determine where we would like to be a year from now. Sometimes,
however, it is wise to ask others for their opinion as well
simply because we often tend to be very hard on our selves and
may not even realize that we have had a positive impact on
others. What we
may see as a weakness may actually be one of our strengths. Take
a look at the following story and you will see what I mean.
A long time ago a water bearer in
India
owned two large pots. Each pot hung on one of the ends of a
pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a
crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always
delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot
arrived only half full.
For a full
two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only
one and a half pots of water in his master’s house. Of
course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But
the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and
miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it
had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to
be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by
the stream.
“I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to
you.”
“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed
of?”
“I have
been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my
load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out
all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my
flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get
full value from your efforts,” the pot said sadly.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot,
and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the
master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers
along the path.”
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot
took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on
the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end
of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half
of its load, and so again the pot apologized to the bearer for
its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that
there were flowers on only your side of the path, but not on
the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known
about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower
seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk
back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I
have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my
master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he
would not have this beauty to grace his house.
The message
from this story is that each of us have our own unique flaws.
In a way, we are all cracked pots. However, what we see as
imperfections in ourselves may not be considered as such by
the people who are closest to us. In fact, as I stated
earlier, what we think of as failures on our part may actually
be our strengths as far as others are concerned.
So as you
spend time in a reflective mood this summer, don’t be too
quick to pass judgment on yourself. If you acknowledge your
flaws and your shortcomings, you may discover that they are
the cause of a lot of beauty and happiness that you never even
realized. Look to your weaknesses and you too may discover
your strengths, just like the cracked pot.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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If
You Pick Moss, Don’t
Expect Blueberry Pie
|
|
I
think I am one of the luckiest people in the world because of
the time I am able to spend with young, vibrant people who are
not afraid to demonstrate their excitement and zest for life.
Personally, I would take a person with passion and enthusiasm
over a person with skills and talent any day of the week. You
can teach and develop skills, but you cannot develop a love of
life and an optimistic attitude. These are character traits
which become the very fabric of a person’s being and which
emerge at all times during work or play. Furthermore they are
traits that everyone is born with and you never lose them.
As a classroom teacher, and now as an Independent
Education and Career Planning Advisor, I come across far too
many children and young adults who are on a road to despair
unless someone can find a way to rekindle the fire inside and
change their attitude towards learning and indeed life itself!
In other words – bring back the zest for life we all see in
children during the first years of their life. Bring that
feeling that everyday is filled with wonderful experiences and
opportunities.
Unfortunately, society is turning out too many children
and young adults who feel as if they are “entitled” to
things without ever having to put much effort or thought into
their work. They are just along for the ride and expect
everyone around them to cater to their every wish and hand
them life on a silver platter.
Whenever I come across anyone – young or old – who
wants to experience all of the good things in life, but are
unwilling to do the work that comes first in order to be in a
position to enjoy those things, I am reminded about the story
of a lazy boy who went with his mother and grandmother on a
blueberry picking hike into the woods.
First of all, the boy made sure he selected the
smallest basket he could find. Then, while the others worked
hard at picking berries, he ran around the area, playing with
the squirrels and chasing butterflies. When it was time to
leave, he panicked and filled his basket mostly with moss and
then topped it off with a thin layer of berries so that it
looked full. His mother and grandmother commended him for his
tremendous effort.
The next morning his mother baked pies and she made a
special saucer-sized pie just for her son. He could hardly
wait for it to cool. Blueberry pie was his favourite! He could
see the plump berries oozing through a slit in the crust, and
his mouth watered in anticipation. However, as he sunk his
fork into the flaky crust, he found mostly….moss!
That day the boy learned a valuable lesson he would
never forget. If you “pick blueberries” you can expect
blueberry pie. But if you pick moss, you can only make moss
pie.
So remember, whether you are in school or at work, if
you have enthusiasm and if you are willing to put in
consistent effort along with passion, you will reap the
rewards. If, on the other hand, you are lazy and prefer to
take short-cuts, you should not expect to achieve the same
results.
And so as our young people approach the conclusion of
another school year it is once again a time of reckoning. The
marks on the report card will give you a pretty good
indication of just how hard you worked this past year. If you
did your best at all times and always approached new tasks
with enthusiasm and excitement, then you should be satisfied
with the results.
However, if you slacked off most of the year; spent
time going out and having fun instead of working harder on
assignments and projects; chose to go to the movies instead of
studying for those exams, you deserve low marks and hopefully
you too will learn a valuable lesson about life.
I would ask all parents to share this story with their
children. Keep a copy some place handy in case you have to
prove your point about the benefits of hard work. Keep
reminding them that in this life, “If you pick moss, don’t
expect blueberry pie!”
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS
|
|
It’s
Time For All Graduates To Notice The River |
|
During
the months of May and June many of the parents, grandparents
and family members reading this article will be attending
graduation ceremonies at elementary, secondary and
post-secondary institutions throughout the region.
As a professional educator in the classroom for 28
years, and now with my own tutoring company, I often find
myself wondering if our education system has adequately
prepared our children for the challenges of life that lay
ahead of our graduates once they enter the real world beyond
school. At times, I have felt a lot like the Master in the
story told by Anthony de Mello.
“As the Master grew old and infirm, the disciples
begged him not to die. The Master said, “If I did not go,
how would you ever see?”
“What is it we fail to see when you are with us?”
they asked.
But the Master would not say.
When the moment of his death was near, they said,
“What is it we will see when you are gone?”
With a twinkle in his eye, the Master said,
“All I did was sit on the riverbank handing out river water.
After I’m gone, I trust you will notice the river.”
Every time I read that story I get a chill running up
and down my spine; for it is true that the best teachers in
the world are those who sit on the “riverbank handing out
river water”.
I am convinced that knowledge is caught, not taught,
thus our role as educators and parents is to provide
leadership and to facilitate experiences which will enable our
children to “notice the river” after they leave us. We
hand out the “river water of knowledge and learning
experiences” in the hopes that our students will be able to
see the whole river when we are no longer part of their lives.
My message this week is for all graduates who are
finished with their formal education.
It is time to ‘notice the river’.
If the years you have been in school were beneficial,
you will indeed notice the river that has grown in size
through the experiences you have encountered in life. As you
go forth to meet new challenges, you may never fully realize
the value of those experiences, but your attitude and
determination to succeed will surely have grown from the water
which was handed out to you in the past by all of your
teachers. While you were a student, you could not possibly
have seen the river, focussing only on the bits of water you
were given at the time. But now as you walk off that stage
with your diploma in hand, you can gaze across the world of
opportunity in front of you and clearly see the river flowing.
You can see that each time you were handed a cup of water,
your personal river grew larger and more splendid.
As you go forward into your new careers, remember the
story about the university graduate who met with his boss on
his first day of work. The graduate went on and on about all
of the things he had taken in school and tried to impress the
boss with what he knew about the job. The boss quietly served
the graduate a cup of coffee and began to pour. He filled the
cup to the brim and then kept pouring. The graduate watched
the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself.
“It’s overfull! No more will go in!” the graduate
blurted.
“You are like this cup,” the boss replied. “How
can you expect to fit in with this company unless you first
empty your cup?”
So I say to all graduates, as you make your journey
through life, pay attention to the new “teachers” along
the way who are there to hand you some more water to add to
your river. Each time your cup is filled with a new
experience, empty it into your personal river, making it even
more spectacular and magnificent. Always be willing to fill
your cup with new water and as you look back upon the river it
will be something you can be proud of. Soon, it will be you
who will be sitting by the riverbank handing out river water,
just like the Master in the story.
Remember, “Wisdom tends to grow in proportion to
one’s awareness of one’s ignorance. When you come to see
you are not as wise today as you thought you were yesterday,
you are wiser today.”
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS
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“Understanding
True Love Is Often A Matter of Time…” |
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One
day recently I was going through my old year book from
Lively High School when I came across a photo of my
Grade 13 English Teacher. It brought back memories of
how everyone in our class hated this man. He was always
so demanding and hard on us at the time. It took an
enormous amount of work and effort to get a mark of 60
or 70% in his class.
As I
looked at his picture, I also recalled that there have
been many times in my life when I thought back to those
days in that Grade 13 English class and I realized that
this man taught me a lot more than how to read and
write. He taught me that I could achieve far more than I
thought I was capable of through hard work and self
discipline. I didn’t realize it at the time, but he
was actually doing me a favour and was really acting out
of love for all of us in the class.
He knew what we would need in order to compete in
the world that lay ahead of us. And he forced us to
reach beyond ourselves in order to come close to our
true potential.
Whenever
I read the following story, I think about my old Grade
13 English teacher. In fact, I think I will dedicate
this editorial to all the former students of mine who
thought I was being too hard on them when I demanded a
level of excellence of which they thought they were
incapable.
Once
upon a time there was an island where all the feelings
lived; happiness, sadness, knowledge, and all the
others, including love. One day it was announced to all
of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the
bottom of the ocean, so all of the feelings prepared
their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed.
She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the
last possible moment. When the island was almost totally
under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began
looking for someone to ask for help.
Just
then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love
asked, "Richness, can I come with you on your
boat?" Richness answered, “I’m sorry, but there
is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would
be no room for you anywhere."
Then
Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a
beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me
please." "I
can't help you", Vanity said, “You are all wet
and will damage my beautiful boat."
Next,
Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, “Sadness,
please let me go with you." Sadness
answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be
alone now."
Then,
Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, " Happiness,
please take me with you." But
Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love
calling to him. Love began to cry.
Then,
she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you
with me." It was an older person. Love felt so
blessed and grateful that she forgot to ask the elder
his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on
his way.
Love
realized how much she owed the elder. Love then found
Knowledge and asked, "Who was that elder person who
helped me?"
"It
was Time", Knowledge answered.
"But
why did Time help me when no one else would?” Love
asked.
Knowledge
smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered,
"Because only Time is capable of understanding how
great Love is."
Isn’t
this so true?
Most of us, at some point in our life,
have looked back and understood that we were actually
treated with great love and compassion by people who, at
the time, seemed to be anything but loving. The teacher
in elementary school who was so hard on you and with
whom you were always getting into trouble; a parent who
would never let you stay out as late as your friends; a
coach who was always on your case to try harder; or,
even a Grade 13 English teacher.
We
have all encountered many people who demonstrate their
love in different, strange ways which are disguised
until time takes away that disguise.
Sometimes the people who give in to all of your
demands, flood you with lavish gifts and money, and let
you do whatever you want do not really love you at all
but are merely responding for some ulterior motive.
Often
times the people who seem to be the hardest and most
demanding on you are the ones who really, truly love you
with all of their heart.
All too often, it takes TIME
for us to understand how great that Love really was.
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TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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“The
Mystery of Life…A
Lot of Questions With No Answers…”
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With
all of the recent school shootings in Canada and the
United States as well as the ever increasing pressure
and stress being experienced by virtually all age groups
in society, it is certainly no surprise that many people
are asking themselves a lot of serious questions about
life in general.
A number of years ago, when I was teaching at St.
Anne
School,
one of the girls in my Grade 7 class, Stephanie Bennett,
wrote an essay that touched my heart and has remained
one of my all-time favourites, even though it was
written by a teen age girl as an English assignment. As
adults we often think that children are arrogant and
cocky, acting as if they
have all of the answers. In fact, they are usually the
complete opposite. They are the ones with many of the
questions. And the questions they ask are no different
from the ones that adults struggle with every day.
Stephanie’s
essay was entitled, “Losing Someone...” I think you
will find it very appropriate in light of what each of
us may be going through in our own lives right now.
Remember that she was writing this essay five years
after the incident.
“I
believe losing someone to death is the hardest thing a
person can endure. People think death is scary, which is
possibly true. I think dying in a hospital is the worst.
My Grandpa died in a hospital and watching my dad cry
was the hardest.
I was
seven but devastated. I remember when I used to take
candy from his candy dish. When he caught me he’d say
something like, “Don’t you like the black candy
babies?” I would say “yes” even though I don’t,
just to make him happy.
I
don’t understand life. When we die, do we go to Heaven
or Hell? How can the Lord judge someone by good or bad?
Some people live a meaningless life where they are
abused each day and slavery rules. Why would God want
people to suffer? Did I lead a previous life? Who is my
Guardian Angel? Are the apocalypse predictions true?
My Dad
and Grandpa were going to go on a ski trip to
Alaska,
but Grandpa had a stroke and couldn’t go. I plan, when
I’m older, to take my Dad before it’s too
late for him too. Life is a precious thing from God, and
we should live life to the fullest.”
I didn’t have any answers for Stephanie. I
could have given her many explanations and rationalize a
lot of what happens, but
when all is said and done the final conclusion will
still come down to the fact that no one really
understands life.
Why
do bad things happen to good people? Why do some people
suffer so much and other people go through life with no
problems or worries? Who decides? Is life all planned
out when we are born? Do we really have any control over
our own destiny?
Life
is a mystery. So it stands to reason that death would be
even more of a mystery. Stephanie is not the only one
with questions. We all have them. But I was impressed
that this young 12 year old girl was years ahead of
herself in terms of wisdom. She understood at a young
age that life is precious and that we should all live
life to the fullest. She also understood that if you
want to do something with a loved one, the earlier the
better. You never know when you will get a second
chance. Enjoy your skiing trip with your Dad, Stephanie.
I know he will love every minute of it.
We
must remember that there isn’t anything wrong with
asking questions about life. Without questions we would
never have an opportunity to think about answers, and we
would never have an opportunity to realize that life is
just one big mystery with no solution – it is merely a
journey full of surprises and many, many more questions.
We
should all take
Stephanie’s advice. Go on that skiing trip with your
parents. Plan that vacation with your children. Spend a
weekend away in a cabin alone with your husband or wife.
Send your wife a bouquet of flowers for no reason.
Don’t wait until it’s too late - you never know when
you’ll get that second chance.
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TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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Don’t Pay Attention To The Losers Around You – Rise Above Them |
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If you ask my former students to give their opinion on
what kind of teacher I was, I am sure you will get some
interesting answers. As a matter of fact, some of them even
expressed their opinions to my face – a move that often
resulted in disciplinary action such as detentions and
suspensions. However, for the most part, I like to think that
I made a positive difference in the life of most of the
children who came in contact with me during my 28 year career.
One thing that I hope to be remembered for is that I
always took special care to make sure my classroom was a
“safe” environment for all learners – regardless of
their intellectual, emotional or physical abilities.
As a “classroom manager” I absolutely despised any
kind of action that was intended to embarrass, ridicule or
bully another student. I demanded that every single person in
my classroom be treated with respect and be “free” to
express their ideas and opinions without fear of being laughed
at if they made a mistake. I was proud of the fact that my
classroom was a place where children were free to try their
best and make mistakes without fear of ridicule. It was also a
place where children who didn’t accept that principle lived
in fear of discipline every single day.
I learned early in my career that children can be cruel
to each other. I also was witness to the fact that many
children find out very early in life that it is much easier to
fail than to be successful; and that they often gained more
notoriety and recognition as failures and discipline problems
than those children who were constantly working hard to
develop their talents and skills. In my classroom, I
constantly encouraged the “failures” to step away from
their “bondage” – to step away from the hold that their
“loser friends” had on them and to attempt to change in a
positive way. However, for many, the subtle strategies
employed by the “group” often brought them back into the
fold and they once again became problem children in order to
fit in with the crowd.
As a classroom teacher I saw too many bright young boys
and girls simply stop trying in order to avoid the criticism
and ridicule of the “group”. I saw too many children who
were so afraid of being called “geeks” that they simply
sat back and put in their time during school, waiting for the
opportunity to get away from the “failures and bullies”
that were holding them back.
And so, as I look back on my teaching career, and as I
now see some of my former students walking around town with
their own children, I hope that among other things, they
remember my class as being a safe environment for learning; a
place where they felt free to try their best without ridicule
and criticism. I hope that I taught them to prevail over the
failures and losers they will meet in their life who are
committed to spending their time lowering the standards of
everyone around them. I hope that they learned to “rise
above those who would try to tear you down” and feel the
satisfaction of being a positive influence on your family,
your fellow workers and you community.
There will always be winners in this world and there
will always be losers who are hoping that the winners will
fail. When you dig deep down inside these losers, you will
often find people who really would like to be a winner but who
are too
scared to try, and they attempt to cover up their own failures
as human beings by laughing at others. In a sense we
should feel sorry for them.
Just remember – the world is a better place because
of people who try and who are not afraid to do their best.
Rise above the losers in the world and don’t let anything
stand between you and your dreams.
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS
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Enduring
Life’s Challenges Will Give You The Strength To Reach Your
Treasure |
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The other day I was having a conversation with a friend
about how the younger generation today seems to expect to have
everything handed to them on a silver platter. Not all young
people fall into this category, but it is clear that many
teenagers and young adults seem to feel as if they are
“entitled” to things that previous generations had to work
hard to achieve. If you know anyone who belongs to this
“entitled generation” give them a copy of the following
story.
One day, a long time ago, a young man went to visit the
oldest and wisest man in the village for some advice on how he
could become rich and famous. The wise elder listened to the
young man tell of his dreams and of his ambition to achieve
success beyond that which anyone had ever imagined.
“Fame and fortune is yours to be had at the top of
yonder mountain,” advised the wise man, as he pointed to a
tall mountain in the distance. “You must travel on foot to
the top of the mountain. There you will find riches beyond
your belief. When you arrive there you will have but one
chance to claim the treasure for yourself. Once you leave the
top of the mountain, whatever remains will be lost forever.”
The young man was very excited and could hardly wait
until the morning when he was to meet with the wise old man
for final instructions. In the morning when he arrived at the
wise old man’s home, the young man saw a long, thick log
lying on the ground in front of the house.
“What is that for?” asked the puzzled young man.
“You must carry this log on your journey to the top
of the mountain,” explained the wise old man.
“But why?” the young man questioned. “What use is
this log? It weighs so much and will slow me down on my
journey. I want to claim my fortune quickly.”
The wise old man merely looked at the young man, and
then down at the heavy log, and quietly said, “The log is a
necessary part of the journey. You must take it with you to
the top of the mountain to claim your treasure.”
The young man was not pleased with this sudden
surprise, but he respected the wise old man and as he lifted
the long, heavy log onto his shoulders and struggled down the
road towards the mountain he realized that the trip would not
be as easy as he thought.
After he was walking for a while, a woodsman came up to
him and said, “It looks like that log is pretty heavy. Would
you like me to cut some of if off to make it lighter?”
The young man was exhausted and with so much of the
journey yet to be travelled, was afraid that he would never
make it up the mountain with the heavy burden, so he said,
“I suppose that a little bit cut off the end wouldn’t
hurt. Thanks for your help”. And the woodsman cut eight
inches off the end.
The young man continued to struggle up the mountain and
finally he arrived at the top. There at the very peak of the
mountain was the most beautiful treasure he had ever seen.
This was his dream. All that stood between him and his
treasure was a wide opening in the earth which surrounded the
mountain peak. The crevice was very deep and there was only
one way to get across the opening. Now it became clear to the
young man why the wise old man had given him this log to carry
on his journey.
The excited young man lay the log across the gap and
discovered to his dismay that it was eight inches too short to
span the distance. The eight inches that he had allowed to be
cut off to lighten his load on his journey to his treasure. As
he turned despondently to walk down the mountain side, he
looked back with tearful eyes and saw his treasure slowly
disappear.
The young man learned a lesson that for many of us
comes too late in life. Our dreams and our treasures are
within our reach, but in order to get them we must first of
all experience the struggles it takes to get there. Only then
will we have what it takes to finally reach out and claim our
treasure at the end of the journey. If we lighten the load too
much along the way, our treasure may end up just out of reach.
The next time you find yourself struggling with
life’s challenges, remember that it will be all worth it
when you finally reach the top of the mountain to claim your
reward.
BACK
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“Living
A Life That Matters Is All About Being Nice” |
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I get to meet a lot of university students who are
studying to become teachers. I also have contact with a number
of university and college graduates who are desperately
searching for a chance to begin a meaningful career. Some of
the people I speak to are actually at the beginning of their
teaching career.
One of the
things that become clearly evident as I get to know these
people is that each of them sincerely wants to make a
difference in the lives of others. They want to “matter”
to others and to do wonderful things with their life. I love
being around such youthful exuberance. Young people have
beautiful dreams and are not afraid of anything. Life is like
a huge Christmas gift that they can open each and every day.
I also get
to talk to a lot of “older” people from my own generation.
Many people who were born as part of the “baby boom”
generation are also desperately searching for meaning in their
life. Indeed, many of us look back on our life and wonder what
it all meant. What have we done to make a difference? What
have we done that “matters” in the whole scheme of things?
Those
questions were on my mind the other day when I read a short
passage about a lady named Marta, who was also searching for
something. She found it while traveling on a bus. Here is her
story.
Marta was a
hard-working single mother. When her minister sermonized about
"living a life that matters," she worried that
working to raise her kids and going to church wasn’t enough.
So while on the bus to work one day she made a list of other
jobs she could do and volunteer work she could try.
Sylvia, an
elderly woman who was on the bus that morning, saw the worry
on Marta’s face and asked what was wrong. Marta explained
her problem. Sylvia said, "Oh my, did your minister
actually say you weren’t doing enough?"
"No,"
Marta said. "But I don’t know how to live ‘a life
that matters’ I want to make a difference in the life of
others."
"You
don’t have to change jobs or do more volunteer work,"
Sylvia consoled her. "It’s enough that you’re a good
mother. But if you want to do more, think about what you can
do while you are doing what you already do. It’s not about
WHAT you do, but HOW you do it."
"You
don’t understand," Marta said. "I sell hamburgers.
How do I make that significant?"
"How
many people do you deal with every day?" Sylvia asked.
"Two
to three hundred."
"Well,
what if you set out to cheer, encourage, teach, or inspire as
many of those people as you could? A compliment, a bit of
advice, a cheerful hello, or a warm smile can start a chain
reaction that lights up lives like an endless string of
Christmas bulbs."
"But
that’s just being nice," Marta protested.
"Right,"
said Sylvia. "Niceness can change lives.”
Marta
looked at the old woman. "What do you do?"
"I was
a housekeeper until I retired," Sylvia said. "Now I
just ride the bus talking to people."
Let me
repeat a section from this story: “If you want to do more,
think about what you can do while you are doing what you
already do.” What a profound philosophy. If you want a
slogan to live by this is it. “THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO
WHILE YOU ARE DOING WHAT YOU ALREADY DO”. This is a rule
that EVERYBODY can live by, regardless of what they are doing
with their life.
In
today’s story Sylvia spends her day riding the bus talking
to people just like Marta. All Sylvia is doing is being nice,
but as she said, “Niceness can change lives.”
And so, no
matter where you are in your life right now, you CAN make a
huge difference and you CAN live a life that matters, simply
by “thinking about what you can do while you are doing what
you already do.” Just by being nice to other people, you can
change their whole approach and outlook on life: just by being
nice.
Don’t
forget, “It’s not about what you do, but how you do
it." that will make you stand out from others and will
allow you the satisfaction of knowing that you did indeed live
a life that matters.
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“Giving
Up The Good Now For A Better Future”
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We
all like to hear a good riddle now and then. It is fun
to try to guess the “trick answer” or come up with
the “punch line”. The neat thing about riddles is
that once you’ve heard the answer it tends to stay
with you forever. The next time you hear the same
riddle, the answer pops right up in your head and out
comes the correct answer. You may not have “got it”
the first time, but our brain seems to process the
answer so that we are never tricked again.
The
other day I came across an interesting riddle. Let me
try it out on you…
THERE ARE
12 BIRDS ON A TELEPHONE WIRE. TWO OF THEM DECIDE TO FLY
SOUTH. HOW MANY ARE LEFT?
While
you are thinking about the answer, I want you to read
the following brief warning which was written by a man
named Frank Outlaw. It is entitled “It’s All About
Character”.
Watch
your thoughts; they become words.
Watch
your words; they become actions.
Watch
your actions; they become habits.
Watch
your habits; they become character.
Watch
your character; it becomes your destiny.
DO YOU HAVE THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE?
No, it’s not ten; it’s twelve!
DECIDING TO FLY and
ACTUALLY FLYING are two different things. So even though
two of the birds DECIDE to fly south, it doesn’t mean
that they actually left yet.
Strangely,
when I read the riddle I didn’t have the urge to
laugh. Instead I reflected upon the life lesson that
this riddle has to offer to all who hear it. What the
riddle is saying to you is that you will never get
anywhere you want to go in this life until you point
yourself in the right direction, jump off the wire and
flap your wings. Two birds may have decided to fly
south, but until they jump off the wire, they will never
have a chance of getting there.
I’ve
come across many people during the course of my life who
had dreams and aspirations, but they just couldn’t
jump off the wire. I’ve seen people who wanted to
reduce weight to improve their health, but who could not
resist the urge to have a donut or chocolate bar,
rationalizing their actions by having a diet Pepsi as
well. Anyone can want to be thin when they are not
hungry. The problem is when they are hungry they are
tempted by the momentary pleasure that comes from eating
that one donut.
The
same can be said about a person who is trying to quit
smoking. It is easy to quit right after you’ve put out
a cigarette. The real challenge is to resist the urge to
light up later on in the day. Cutting back on drinking;
eating junk food; fast food diets – it is always easy
to set goals and say that you are going to stop
drinking; stop eating junk food; and stop going to fast
food restaurants. But it is too easy to fall to
temptation later on.
In
the end, it’s not our goals that determine the quality
of our life; it's our actions. When there’s a conflict
between what we want NOW and what we want for the
future, LATER seems so much more attractive than now --
but it`s not a good life strategy.
I
love donuts, but I’ve never had one that was so good
that the pleasure lasted for more than a few moments.
The
key to a happy and satisfying life therefore, is to
resist urges and impulses for momentary pleasures that
may sabotage long-term goals. Lots of things that feel
good aren’t good for us, and lots of things that are
fun won’t make us happy.
As I leave you this week, I want to leave you
with a quote by Dante: “There is no greater sorrow
than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.”
Giving
up the good `now` for a better `later` shouldn’t be
seen as a sacrifice; it’s an investment.
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TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS
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“
No
Matter Where You Go or Who You Become
Never Forget Who Helped You Get There”
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Sometimes it takes many years of living for a
person to really appreciate how much others did for us
as we were going through life’s ups and downs. As you
get older and look back upon your life, you begin to
realize that you didn’t make it on your own. You had
plenty of help along the way. The trouble is that we
were not often aware that the help was there and worse
of all, when we were aware, we may not have expressed
our the way you should have.
If there is one message I would like to get
across to young adults who are beginning their trek down
the long road of life, it’s simply, “No matter where
you go or who you become, never forget who helped you
get there.” And don’t miss out on an opportunity to
thank them. This message is best expressed in a little
passage I came across the other day on the internet. It
is simply entitled, ‘Friends’; author unknown.
“In the first grade your idea of a good friend
was the person who went to the bathroom with you and
held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
In the third grade your idea of a good friend was
the person who shared lunch with you when you forgot
yours on the bus.
In the fifth grade your idea of a good friend was
the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for
you.
In the seventh grade your idea of a friend was
the person who let you copy the math homework from the
night before that you had forgotten.
In the ninth grade your idea of a good friend was
the person who convinced your parents you shouldn’t be
grounded.
In the eleventh grade your idea of a good friend
was the person who gave you rides in their new car and
found you a date to the dance.
Now your idea of a good friend is still the
person who gives you the better of two choices; holds
your hand when you’re scared; helps you fight off
those who try to take advantage of you; thinks of you at
times when you are not there; reminds you of what you
have forgotten; helps you put the past behind you but
understands when you need to hold on to it a little
longer; stays with you so that you have confidence; goes
out of their way to make time with you; helps you clear
up your mistakes; helps you deal with pressure from
others; smiles for you when you are sad; helps you
become a better person; and most importantly, loves you!
The message I want to leave you today is simple.
Stay close to your friends and family, for they have
helped you become the person that you are today. Never
be afraid to express your love and to tell someone what
they mean to you. The difference between expressing love
and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around
forever. The loved ones may be gone tomorrow.
There’s never a wrong time to pick up a phone
or send a message telling your friends how much you miss
them or how much you love them. Take this opportunity to send a message of love to a
friend. If you don’t, you will have once again passed
up a chance to do something loving and beautiful.
Seize the day and have no regrets.”
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“Break
Through The Terror Barrier and Set Yourself Free”
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It is with sadness that I must admit that for the
first twenty-two years of my life here on Planet Earth I
was held back from so many wonderful experiences by what
is often referred to as the ‘Terror Barrier’.
The
first time I can recall coming face-to-face with the
‘Terror Barrier’ was when I was about ten years old.
I was with a group of friends and we were playing on the
side of a hill on the outskirts of Lively. There was a
cave with an opening that was just barely wide enough to
squeeze through. You had to put your arms in first and
then wiggle through the four foot tunnel. One by one my
friends all went into the cave. Some of them
encountering great difficulty and needing to be pulled
and pushed to get to the other side. When it was my
turn, I faced the opening and there it was! ‘The
Terror Barrier’.
My
friends were all encouraging me to come through, but no
matter what they said, I will never forget the terror
that gripped my mind and body as I looked at the small
opening. The coaxing did absolutely no good. There was
no way I was going to crawl into the hole.
That
day I lost out on the thrill and excitement that my
friends shared as they sat in the cave and enjoyed some
bantering and unique exploration opportunities. I also
lost a little bit of self-respect.
There
were many other times in my life up to the age of
twenty-two when I came face-to-face with the ‘Terror
Barrier’. There was the time when I was so afraid of
rejection that I didn’t ask my wife, who was sixteen
at the time I met her in Creighton, to attend the annual
Spring Bowling banquet with me. I still remember
attending the banquet alone and hating myself when she
too showed up at the event by herself. We spent a lot of
time together at that dance and only later, when I
finally had the courage to ask her to go out with me did
I discover that she had turned down four other boys,
telling them that she was already going to the banquet
with someone else, all the while waiting in hope for me
to ask her to be my date. I still kick myself for not
being able to break through the ‘Terror Barrier’ and
ask her to that banquet. I actually had nothing to fear,
but I still could not get past the barrier.
I was
imprisoned by my own fears and lack of self confidence
until the day I graduated from university. I can still
remember vividly the feeling that came over me as I
vowed that I would never again allow the ‘Terror
Barrier’ to keep me from enjoying all of the
possibilities that lay ahead in my life. I promised
myself on that very day that no matter how great the
challenge, I would never again back down in fear. I
would take on anything and everything that came in my
way.
For
twenty-two years I had stepped back from anything and
everything I truly feared. When I looked at my diploma
on graduation day, I said “no more” and I have been
free ever since.
If
you think hard enough, you may recall times when you
have come face to face with the’ Terror Barrier’.
You either stepped through it to freedom or back into
bondage, imprisoned by your own fears.
The
Terror Barrier comes up in front of us every time we
attempt to make a major move in life, especially when it
is into an area we have never traveled before. You
can’t escape it. There is always the fear of the
unknown, or worse, the fear of rejection or failure. I
have spoken with countless people, young and old, who
come right up to that barrier wanting to go ahead but
not being able to. These were people who could have
succeeded and wanted to go forward, but didn’t, and
lived to regret their decision.
I
like to think that these weekly editorials will help
some of my readers break through the ‘Terror
Barriers’ that they come up against in their life.
When you finally summon up all of your strength and make
a decision to “go for it”, most often you discover
that the barrier was nothing more than an illusion;
something that you built up in your own mind; something
that really wasn’t that bad after all. The next time
it happens, just say to yourself, “No more” and set
yourself free. BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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“Learn
To Recognize Opportunities That Are Right Before Your
Eyes”
|
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One of my favourite stories of all time demonstrates our
inability to recognize opportunity when it is right under our eyes. I know
you will see the humour in this story, but I also hope you get the
message.
The Mississippi River was flooding its banks and the waters were rising
around Clem’s house. The waters had gotten to the level of the front
porch where Clem was standing. A man in a rowboat came by and called to
Clem, "Hop in and I’ll take you to high ground."
Clem replied, "No, my God will save me!"
The river continued to rise to the second story windows and Clem,
looking out, saw a powerboat come up. The man in the powerboat called to
Clem, "Hop in and I’ll take you to high ground."
Clem replied, "No, my God will save me!"
The river had now risen to the roof of the house. Clem was sitting on
the ridge at the top of the house, with the waters swirling around his
feet. He saw a helicopter fly over and the people inside yelled over a
bull horn, "Grab the rope and climb in and we’ll take you to high
ground."
Clem replied, "No, my God will save me!"
The river continued to rise and finally it engulfed the house and Clem
was drowned. The next thing he knew, Clem was standing before his God. In
anger, he asked God, "I put my trust in you. Why have you forsake
me?"
And his God replied, "What more do you want from me? I sent you a
rowboat, a powerboat and a helicopter!"
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS
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“Never
Be Too Quick To Judge Another Human Being”
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A lady in a faded gingham dress and her
husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in
Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of
Harvard's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such
backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't
even deserve to be in Cambridge.
She frowned. "We want to see the president,"
the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," the secretary
snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the
secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become
discouraged and go away.
They didn't. And the secretary grew frustrated and
finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she
always regretted to do. "Maybe if they just see you for a few
minutes, they'll leave," she told him.
And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his
importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he
detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer
office. The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the
couple. The lady told him, "We had a son that attended Harvard for
one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he
was accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a
memorial to him, somewhere on campus."
The president wasn't touched, he was shocked.
"Madam," he said gruffly. "We can't put up a statue for
every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would
look like a cemetery". "Oh, no," the lady explained
quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue.
We thought we would like to give a building to
Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham
dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any
earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half
million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard." For a moment the
lady was silent. The president was pleased. He could get rid of them now.
And the lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it
costs to start a University? Why don't we just start our own?" Her
husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment.
And Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away, traveling to Palo Alto,
California where they established the University that bears their name, a
memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.
"You can easily judge the character of others by
how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them." Malcolm
Forbes
BACK
TO PART ONE TABLE OF CONTENTS
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|
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Education &
Career Planning Is One of the Most Important Responsibilities of
Family Managers |
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If you are a parent, you really don’t need to be reminded about
the importance of education. What goes on at school has an impact on every
single facet of family life from the time your youngest child enters
Junior Kindergarten until the day he or she finally decides that it is
time to leave the classroom and enter the world of work.
Many parents today
don’t realize, however, just how different things were when they were
going through the system. It sure seemed a whole lot easier to deal with
school matters when my own children were growing up.
Homework was less difficult to understand and I had no trouble
helping my children with their assignments. Most of the time we just let
the school take care of education responsibilities. Come to think of it,
everything about life seemed so much easier to deal with.
Times are different
today – in everything, not just education. Parents are no longer just
parents: they are “Family Managers” with responsibilities that include
a wide variety of functions, including the management of the education and
career planning of their children. In other words, today’s parents MUST
take an active role in the education program of their children. They have
no choice and it is imperative that they fully understand the implications
of provincial testing; IPRC meetings; IEP requirements; special education
and resource support; academic vs applied levels of study in high school;
college vs university vs apprenticeship options; report cards that have
numbers from 1 to 4 instead of percents and letters; etc.
Many parents are left
in a total state of confusion, making an attempt to become involved by
“helping” with homework until they recognize that the math being
taught in school today does not look like the math they were taught 20 or
30 years ago. They try as hard as they can to “force” their children
to keep up with assignments and to get high marks but this often leads to
an elevated level of stress in the home and a negative attitude towards
education among the children.
Today’s parents have
no choice! They must accept their role as “Family Managers” and within
that organizational structure of the family falls the management of
Learning and Education programs for children.
This can mean measures
that include anywhere from home schooling to private schools and
everything in between from regular schools to special schools to private
tutoring. Whatever it takes, it is your responsibility as the “Family
Manager” to make sure that effective learning takes place for all
members of your “team” – yourself included.
The primary
responsibility for educating your child is no longer the job of the
schools. It is your job as a parent and how you manage your choice of
schools and your understanding of the school system is critical to your
performance as the “Family Manager”.
You
must find time to visit your child's school once in a while. Talk
to the teacher and principal. And don’t just talk about the weather.
Talk about substance and become better acquainted with the programs. Ask
for explanations. Question policies and philosophies with which you
disagree. Visit web sites and check things out.
Whatever you do,
DON’T DO NOTHING! Your job as a “Family Manager” is the most
important job you will ever have in your life. Be good at it!
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
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|
LOOK
BEYOND THE SILVER LINING |
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They say that every new day
is another opportunity to make significant changes in our life.
As we search
for these significant changes, let us all take a few moments to consider
the following story. Perhaps the answer lies therein.
There
once lived a rich man who couldn’t understand why he was unhappy. He had
wealth beyond imagination, but was always in a miserable mood. He lived in
a huge mansion by himself. One Christmas Eve he visited a wise old man and
confided in him about his dilemma. The wise old man took him to a window.
"Look
out there," he said.
The
rich man looked out into the street.
"What
do you see?", the wise old man asked.
"I
see men and women and little children," answered the rich man.
Then
the wise old man took the rich man to a mirror.
"What
do you see now?" he asked.
"I
see myself," the rich man answered.
Then
the wise old man explained, "Behold, both the window and the mirror
are made of glass. But the glass of the mirror is covered with silver. No
sooner is silver added than you cease to see others and see only
yourself."
The
rich man left the wise old man and drove to his only sister’s house for
his annual Christmas Eve visit to deliver some very expensive gifts that
he had purchased for her family. It was the only day of the year he saw
his sister and he usually just stayed long enough to drop off the presents
and wish them a Merry Christmas.
When
he arrived at the door, he was warmly greeted by his sister, her husband,
and their five year old daughter. His sister and her husband were of
modest means, living in a small apartment, yet they were always happy. The
rich man was still confused from the advice given by the wise old man.
It
was just then that the little girl ran into the living room and returned
to give her rich uncle a present. The look in her eyes would have one
believe that it was something very precious. When the rich man opened up
the package, it was an angel pasted on a pie plate. It mattered not that
the angel looked like a clown, nor that it was pasted on crooked. What
mattered is that the little girl had given the rich man something that all
the money in the world couldn’t buy. For the first time that he could
remember, there were tears in his eyes, as the little girl gave him a big
hug and asked him to stay for a while to play with her.
The
rich man’s sister and her husband were both surprised and delighted when
the man accepted the little girl’s invitation. It was the first time he
had ever entered the apartment, although he was often asked. When he left
several hours later, he realized that the little girl had given him one of
life’s finest gifts. When she kissed him good bye and told him that this
was the best Christmas she ever had, he suddenly understood what the wise
old man was trying to tell him earlier in the day.
As
he drove home that evening the stars in the sky seemed to be shining a
little bit brighter. From that day onward, the rich man stopped spending
time looking in mirrors, and instead, looked through every window he could
find. He discovered that real joy comes not from accumulating riches or
hoarding material things, but from doing something worthwhile for others.
The little five-year old girl showed him that all the expensive presents
in the world were not as important to her as spending a few hours playing
with her uncle. The rich man never again felt unhappy! And he never again
spent Christmas, Thanksgiving or birthdays alone.
This
year, let us all take the time to look through windows so that we may
truly see the things in this world that count. Let us all make a
commitment to spend those precious moments with our loved ones as
we discover the most precious gifts of all.
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TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
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We’re
Raising Children, Not Flowers. |
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One
of my favourite days of the year is Fathers’ Day. This is the one day of the year
when children usually go out of their way to buy a gift, make
a phone call or do something special with their Father.
For me,
this day has always allowed me to spend time reflecting upon
the tremendous responsibility I took on when I became a
father. My children did not ask to come into this world. They
did not select me as their father. They had no choice in the
matter. They were forced to be my children and now their own
children are forced into being my grandchildren.
That is why
I always consider Fathers’ Day as a special day in the year
when I should be doing something special with my children; a
day when I should be looking for ways to show my appreciation
for what my children have meant to me over the years. It is
also a day when I sometimes look back in time and realize that
I wasn’t always as good a father as I should have been.
Unfortunately,
fathers are not always completely sensitive to the needs of
their children. Most of us would never do anything to
deliberately hurt our children, but sometimes we just don’t
realize how our actions or inactions are being perceived by
our sons and daughters.
For example, take the story of Howard, a man who
thought he was in tune with the times. When his four-year old
son David acquired a taste for “The Three Little Pigs” and
demanded that his father read it to him night after night,
Howard took action. He purchased a child’s easy-to-use tape
recorder and read the story onto tape for him.
The next time David asked for the story to be read,
Howard switched on the recorder. David was fascinated at the
novelty of his father’s voice reading his favorite book from
a ‘machine’. The following night when he asked for “Free
Li’l Pigs”, Howard went a step further. He showed David
how to work the playback on the recorder for himself.
The following evening, when David arrived and pushed
the storybook at him, Howard said, “Now, David, you know how
to turn on the recorder.” He smiled and said sweetly but
insistently, “Yes.” Then he added, “But I can’t sit on
its lap.” Needless to say the tape recorder was placed in
storage after that.
Take another story about a father who once had a job
that required extensive travel. After a long trip, his wife
and four children would meet him at the door with loving hugs
and kisses. After one such joyful homecoming, he was playing
with his youngest child and he asked, “What do you want to
be when you grow up? The child responded without hesitation,
“A pilot.”
“Why a pilot?” the father asked a bit surprised.
His son looked at him and replied, “So I can spend
more time with you.”
Shortly thereafter the father took on a position in his
company that required far less travel.
Every father’s day I always remember one afternoon
when I was raking leaves in the back yard. My three sons were
playing soccer on the grass and then decided to jump on the
piles of leaves that I had worked so hard to rake up. Instead
of scolding them for their actions, I simply watched them
play, reminded about the story of the young father who was
teaching his son how to push a lawn mower. The father turned
away to talk to his wife and his son accidentally pushed the
mower right through the flower bed. When the father began to
yell at his child, his wife reminded him, “Remember, we’re
raising children, not flowers.”
We still have the picture of the boys playing in those
leaves. It is hanging up in the house where I can see it every
day to remind me that I am raising children, not flowers.
In
closing, there are two things that I wish I would have learned
earlier in life, and each year I use this column to pass this
message along to all of the young fathers out there. First, don’t
ever feel that spending time with your children is less
important than anything else you have to do in your life.
Absolutely nothing is more important than spending time, even
if it is just for a few moments with your children. Secondly,
never pass up an opportunity to make your children realize
that you are extremely proud to be their father.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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Perhaps
Your Childhood Dreams Of Happiness Have Come True
Without You Knowing It |
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Regardless of how you look at it - we do not live in a very happy,
satisfied society today. Look around you. Everywhere you look
you see the strained faces of people rushing through the daily
chores of life in a struggle to either get ahead or stay
afloat. Personal debt levels are at an all-time high as people
use their credit cards and borrow money to ‘buy their
dreams’. Others are just scraping by, hoping to survive the
next financial disaster.
What happened to our childhood dreams? You know the one where you lay on
the cool grass looking at the clouds floating by, dreaming
about how your life would be when you grew up.
Life can hardly be called a dream today. Certainly there are moments when
we forget our problems and enjoy peaceful times with the ones
we love, but then there are many others where we wish for that
lottery win; that big gain in the stock market; or that big
break which will allow you to buy the house and car of your
dreams.
I heard a story one day about a boy who said to God, “I’ve been
thinking, and I know what I want when I become a man.”
He proceeded to give God his list: to live in a big house with two Saint
Bernards and a garden...marry a blue-eyed, tall, beautiful
woman...have three sons - one who will be a doctor, one a
scientist, and one a professional hockey player. He also
wanted to be an adventurer who climbed tall mountains...and to
drive a red Ferrari.
As it turned out, the boy hurt his knee one day while playing football.
He no longer could climb trees, much less mountains. He
married a beautiful and kind woman who was short with brown
eyes. Because of his business, he lived in a city apartment,
took cabs, and rode subways. He had three loving daughters,
and they adopted a fluffy cat. One daughter became a nurse,
another an artist, and the third a music teacher.
One morning the man awoke and remembered his boyhood dream. He became
extremely depressed, so depressed that he became very ill.
Close to death from a broken heart, he called out to God,
“Remember when I was a boy and told You all the things I
wanted? Why didn’t you give me those things?”
“I could have,” said God, “but I wanted to make you happy.”
Recognize that true happiness comes from accepting the life with which
God has provided you. Happiness does not come from big homes
and fancy cars. True happiness comes from your attitude
towards your own unique situation in life and the loving
people around you.
I remember when our first son was born. The lady in the bed beside my
wife had just given birth to her first child as well... a
beautiful, healthy baby girl. However, her husband was
absolutely distraught. He wanted a son so badly that he
wouldn’t even hold his daughter when he came to visit. I
even went and found him a gown one evening and brought it to
him, hoping that he might hold his marvellous daughter. He
would have nothing to do with her. The mother was so depressed
that she even asked my wife if they could trade her daughter
for our son. Here was a time in this young couple’s life
when they should have been so happy with their first born, and
yet, because of their ‘dream’ of having a son, they
couldn’t see the happiness.
I often wonder if one day she and her husband too will
look up to God and ask why He didn’t make their dream come
true? I wonder how many of us will also look up to God and ask
why he didn’t make our dreams come true? Perhaps we will all
be surprised when he answers, “Because I wanted to make you
happy.”
Let’s not spend so much time longing for our childhood dreams that we
miss out on the happiness that we have been given. When God
tells us that he didn’t make the dreams come true because He
wanted to make us happy, let’s hope we don’t have to hang
our heads in regret because we were too blind to enjoy the
happiness we were given in our life.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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Take
Time To Read The Handwriting On The Wall |
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Just the other day a friend of mine came up to me while I was in
the middle of rearranging my schedule to accommodate an unforeseen problem
that had just arisen and he asked, “How can you stay so calm and
relaxed? Don’t you ever get upset at anything? This would drive me
crazy!”
I smiled and shrugged
my shoulders while telling him, “I’ve learned that getting upset
doesn’t make your problems go away. It just gets in the way of dealing
with things and moving on.”
In fact, there is one
little story I read a long time ago that had a great deal of influence on
how I react to things today. At the time I first read the story I was the
kind of person who could “fly off the handle” very easily and I often
over reacted to things that other people told me before I investigated the
situation myself. After reading the story I changed my attitude and
learned to wait until I had all of the facts so that I could form my own
opinions and arrive at my own conclusions.
Let me share the story with you.
One day a weary mother returned from the store, lugging groceries
into the kitchen. Awaiting her arrival was her eight-year old son, eager
to relate to her what his five-year old younger brother had done.
“Mommy,” he said,
“I was outside and dad was on the phone and Billy took his crayons and
wrote on the wall. It’s on the new wall paper you just hung in the den.
I told him you’d be mad and would have to do it over again.”
She let out a moan and
furrowed her brow while shouting, “Where is your little brother?”
She emptied her arms
and with a purposeful stride marched to his closet where he had gone to
hide, calling his full name as she entered his bedroom. Billy trembled
with fear as he emerged from the closet, knowing full well that he was in
deep trouble.
For the next ten
minutes, she ranted and raved about the expensive wallpaper and how she
had saved for so long to get it done. She condemned his actions and total
lack of care and respect. The more she scolded the angrier she became.
Then she stomped from his room, totally distraught. She headed for
the den to confirm her fears.
When she saw the wall,
her eyes flooded with tears.
The message she read
pierced her soul like a knife.
It said, “I Love
Mommy,” surrounded by a heart.
Well, needless to say,
the wallpaper remained, just as she found it, with an empty picture frame
hung to surround it as a reminder to her and indeed to all who saw it from
that day forward to “take time to read the handwriting on the wall”.
There have been many
times in my life when I have been thankful for avoiding the urge to jump
to conclusions too soon. I discovered that it is always better to make the
RIGHT decision rather than make a QUICK decision that turns out to be
wrong. I have learned that unless it is a matter of extreme urgency, I am
always better off taking time to gather all of the relevant details before
forming an opinion or taking action. Far too often I have found myself in
situations where I wished I could have taken back my words or turned back
the clock and made different choices that would have resulted in much more
desirable outcomes.
And so, as I related to
my friend, it’s not a matter of never getting upset over things. Just
ask some of my former students and they will confirm that I can certainly
get upset from time to time and that I’m not always calm and relaxed.
I’ve just found that taking time to “read the handwriting on the
wall” before reacting to most situations is a much better way of
handling everything that life throws your way.
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TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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The
Price of A Miracle...One Dollar and Eleven Cents |
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Every
now and then we all run into problems in our life where we feel the only
way out is through a miracle. Life is like that! It throws you a curve
just when you least expect it and the challenge seems insurmountable.
Usually, we manage to work our way through our problems and get on with
our life. Often, however, we can’t explain just how we managed to
overcome our trials and tribulations. For some of us, the answer actually
comes in the form of the
miracle we were hoping for.
I’m
sure you will enjoy the story I found on the internet this week. It is a
classic that I am sure many of you have read before, but it is one that I
always love reading because it seems to have a lot of meaning in my life
no matter when I come across it. The story speaks of one such miracle.
Tess
was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking
about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick
and they were completely our of money. They were moving to an apartment
complex next month because Daddy didn’t have the money for the doctor
bills and the house. Only a very costly surgery could save Andrew now and
it was looking like there was no-one who would loan them the money.
Tess
heard her Daddy say to her tearful mother, with whispered desperation,
“Only a miracle can save him now.”
Tess
went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in
the closet. She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it
carefully. She then placed the coins back in the jar and slipped out the
back door, making her way six blocks to the nearest drug store.
She
waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was
too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise.
Nothing! She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could
muster. No good.
Finally,
she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That
did it!
“And
what do you want?” the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice.
“I’m busy talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven’t seen in
ages.”
“Well,
I want to talk to you about my brother,” Tess answered back in the same
annoyed tone. “He’s really, really sick...and I want to buy a
miracle.”
“I
beg your pardon?” said the pharmacist.
“His
name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my
Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle
cost?”
“We
don’t sell miracles here, little girl. I’m sorry I can’t help
you,” the pharmacist said, softening a little.
“Listen,
I have the money to pay for it. If it isn’t enough, I will get the rest.
Just tell me how much it costs,” pleaded Tess.
The
pharmacist’s brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked
the little girl, “What kind of a miracle does your brother need?”
“I
don’t know,” Tess replied with her eyes welling up. “I just know
he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy
can’t pay for it, so I want to use my money.”
“How
much do you have?” asked the man from
Chicago
.
“One
dollar and eleven cents,” Tess answered barely audibly. “And it’s
all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.”
“Well,
what a coincidence,” smiled the man. “A dollar and eleven cents...the
exact price of a miracle for little brothers.” He took the money in one
hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said, “Take me to
where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s
see if I have the kind of miracle you need.”
That
well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in
neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge and it wasn’t
long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily
talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.”
“That
surgery,” her Mom whispered. “Was a real miracle. I wonder how much it
would have cost?”
Tess
smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven
cents...plus the faith of a little child.
We
all experience hardships in life. But we also experience miracles. The
trouble is that we often fail to recognize the miracles that come our way
as we focus only on our problems. If we could only have the faith of a
little child, and if we could only learn to recognize the miracles that
occur in our life. Miracles need not be major earth shattering events.
Miracles may actually be of the one dollar and eleven cent variety. But no
matter what the cost, you can rest assured that miracles do happen, and
when they come, they make a real difference in your life.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
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The
People Who Truly Love You Will Always Be There For You In Times Of
Need |
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I was reading a
beautiful story in the Sudbury Star recently about the first baby born in
the City of
Greater Sudbury
in
2007. Connor Ethan Dufour was
born at
4:02 a.m.
on
the morning of January 1. The 7 lb. 7 oz. bundle of joy is the first child
of two very proud Val Caron residents, Angela Tanguay and Barry Dufour.
Barry describes the year 2006 as one of the best years of his life,
and the couple is now looking forward to even greater things in 2007 as
they begin their new role as parents. "We were engaged in February.
Then Angie got pregnant in March. I was hired at INCO in October. And to
top it all off, we have the New Year’s Baby!”
Angela and Barry are
sitting on top of the world right now, and nothing is going to prevent
them from enjoying the precious moments to come with their new son.
I’m sure many of my
readers feel the same about their life right now. Things are likely going
very well and you are riding an “emotional high”.
However, I am also certain that many of you are currently
experiencing some disappointments and challenges in your life. For many of
you, 2006 is a year, either in total or in part, you might like to forget,
and 2007 may not be starting off much better.
Whenever I am faced with disappointment in my own life I try to
remember two very important principles that I have learned over my many
years of personal experience.
The first is that “If
you carry on, one day something good will happen. And you’ll realize
that it wouldn’t have happened if not for that previous
disappointment.”
The second is that,
“No matter how difficult the situation in which you find yourself, and
no matter how hopeless it seems in the beginning, you are never given
anything in life that you are not capable of handling.”
As we go through our
journey of life everyone, and I mean everyone experiences all sorts of
major setbacks. These include loss of loved ones; financial problems;
relationship difficulties; family problems; work problems; health
problems; indeed it seems as if we spend most of our life overcoming
difficulties and challenges.
We all have those days
and periods of our life when we sit back and wonder how we will ever
survive. Believe me when I say that WE ALL HAVE THOSE FEELINGS from time
to time. YOU ARE NOT ALONE if you are experiencing one of the “emotional
lows” in your life. And it won’t be the last time either. Life has its
ups and downs. Angela and Barry are certainly enjoying one of the “high
points” of their life right now. But I’m sure they have had low points
before and undoubtedly they will have low points again. However, they will
always remember this time of their life as one of the best, and they will
use these precious memories to help them get over the any challenges they
face in the future.
Whenever I am at one of
the low points in my life, I always think about the two principles
mentioned above. By having faith that something good will come, and that I
am never given anything that I can’t handle, I have found that the storm
does indeed subside and the sun does shine once again.
Moreover, after I have gone through one of those difficult periods,
I find that I’ve rediscovered those things in life that I truly value. I
learn to value the relationships I have with the people around me far more
than I value the material possessions that I have collected. By relying on
the support of my loved ones to get through tough times, the good that
comes out of the challenges I am facing is more often than not a
strengthening of those bonds of love. I learn to value life itself, and
the people who are most important to me – the very people I may have
taken for granted.
It seems as if the challenges we are given from time to time are
wake up calls to help us see ourselves for who we really are and to force
us to refocus our priorities. So the next time you are faced with a major
difficulty in your life, remember the two principles and look around for
the people who truly love you. They will be there for you. You will
discover that something good will happen and that you do have the strength
to carry on, no matter how bad things may appear.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS |
|
IF
TOMORROW NEVER COMES |
We live in a time when our
life can change suddenly and without warning. This is the lottery
generation when a simple piece of paper can make you rich and launch you
into a completely different social status. This is the stock market
generation when a jump in stock value followed by quick sale can make you
a millionaire or put you in the poor house overnight. This is also
generation where people live in fear of catastrophe every time they drive
a car, walk down a street at night, go to work or merely go to sleep at
night in the privacy of their own home. Change often comes suddenly and
without warning.
Too
often I have spoken to people who were distraught at the loss of a loved
one and who were beating themselves up for not spending more time with
them in the final days before their death. They spend agonizing days,
weeks and sometimes years in what I call the "If I knew it would be
the last time.." depression.
Many
years ago I decided that I would adopt the "What if this is the last
time..." philosophy of life. I have discovered that it leaves me at
peace with the world more often and provides me with a healthy perspective
on life. It is difficult at times to maintain this philosophy, and every
so often I find myself regretting some action or comment that I have made.
At those times I say to myself, "What if this is the last time I ever
see that person? Is that how I want to be remembered, or how I want to
remember him/her?"
I
invite my readers to consider adopting this philosophy, even for a short
trial period. See if it changes the way you look at life.
When
you tuck your child in tonight, ask yourself what you would do if you knew
this might be the last time you ever saw your child fall asleep. Would you
give him/her an extra hug? Would you take a few minutes to lie beside your
child? Would you be in such a hurry to get back to the television set?
When
you leave for work in the morning, if you knew this might be the last time
you ever said good-bye, would you get up a few minutes earlier so that you
would have time to say good-bye to everyone and wish them all the best for
the day? Would you say, "I love you" one extra time to your
spouse? Would you get upset because your favourite shirt wasn’t ironed?
Would you smile and wave as you were pulling out of the driveway?
When
you have an argument or disagreement with a friend, a co-worker, or a
loved one, if you knew this might be the last time you would see that
person, would you make an extra effort to solve the problem before you
left? Would you apologize for your actions or comments before you left?
Would you roll over and go to sleep knowing that you have upset your
spouse?
You
must always remember that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Today may be
the last day of your life or the last day in the life of a loved one. You
may never get a second chance to say "I love you"; to spend time
with your children; to spend time with your spouse; or to spend time with
your parents.
So
if you are waiting until tomorrow to do something special for a loved one,
why not do it today? If you want to say you are sorry for something you
did, why not do it today? If you have been trying to find time to make
that phone call or write that letter, why not do it today? For if tomorrow
never comes, you will surely regret that you didn’t take the extra time
to grant to someone, what may have turned out to be their last wish.
BACK
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|
Attitude
Is The Key To Dealing With Family Stress |
|
I once noted in
a poll taken by the Southam News that 92% of respondents believe Canadian
parents today are under more financial and emotional stress than post-war
families of 60 years ago. The results of the poll indicated that many
Canadians are suffering from chronic emotional health problems because of
the pressure on families today.
When asked to identify the causes of the stress, respondents
indicated that parents are working too hard, too long for too little
money; there is a severe lack of job security; there is excessive
taxation; many are facing child-rearing problems; and there are a large
percentage of families dealing with divorce and marriage breakdowns. It is
easy to come to the conclusion that family life is in crisis.
It is a fact of life that no family escapes from the stress of
everyday life. But most will agree that at no time in the year is the
stress upon families and individuals greater than it is during the
Christmas holiday season.
As much as people may look forward to Christmas, and even though it
is a time for people to get together and visit with friends and relatives,
few will argue that Christmas is also one of the most hectic,
stress-filled times of the year. If you disagree, just look at the people
you come across over the next several days and see how many “happy”
faces you can find.
If you are going to make it through another holiday rush, you must
develop strong survival techniques which will control your stress level
and allow you to enjoy the beautiful moments of the season. In other
words, you must become a calming influence in the middle of a stressful
storm of commotion.
The most important thing you must do is convince yourself that it
is absolutely useless to get upset about things that are beyond your
control. You can’t always get your own way, no matter how much you
complain or wish you could change things. If you must go shopping between
now and Christmas, don’t complain about the crowds, the traffic, the
high prices, the rudeness or the chaos of life. When you are the tenth
person in line at the check-out counter, accept the fact that this is the
way it is and nothing you can do will change it. Once you surrender to
this actuality you will find a strange sense of peace take over your body.
Take the little things that happen every day in stride and accept
them for what they are - simply life happening. Next time one of your
children accidentally knocks over one of your favourite glasses causing it
to break on the floor, don’t get all upset and rant and rave about the
carelessness of today’s youth. Accept it for what it is - a moment of
life that includes a broken glass. Use it to show your child how to
carefully pick up the pieces and dispose of them so as not to endanger
anyone else. Show the child how to get every last little sliver off the
floor. And while you are doing it, think about how many times in your own
life you accidentally broke items around the house. It may actually be
hard to hide your smile. When it is all over, give your child a hug and
remind him or her to be more careful next time.
If you can change your reactions to negative events so that your
response reflects a calm and peaceful acceptance, you will discover that
the solutions to these negative moments are readily at hand. And even in
the midst of the chaos of Christmas holidays, you will be amazed at how
much easier your life will become. Start today! Stop the negativity before
it has a chance to spiral out of control. Make Christmas 2006 a truly
peaceful time in your family.
BACK
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|
Attitude
Is The Key To Dealing With Family Stress |
I once noted in
a poll taken by the Southam News that 92% of respondents believe Canadian
parents today are under more financial and emotional stress than post-war
families of 60 years ago. The results of the poll indicated that many
Canadians are suffering from chronic emotional health problems because of
the pressure on families today.
When asked to identify the causes of the stress, respondents
indicated that parents are working too hard, too long for too little
money; there is a severe lack of job security; there is excessive
taxation; many are facing child-rearing problems; and there are a large
percentage of families dealing with divorce and marriage breakdowns. It is
easy to come to the conclusion that family life is in crisis.
It is a fact of life that no family escapes from the stress of
everyday life. But most will agree that at no time in the year is the
stress upon families and individuals greater than it is during the
Christmas holiday season.
As much as people may look forward to Christmas, and even though it
is a time for people to get together and visit with friends and relatives,
few will argue that Christmas is also one of the most hectic,
stress-filled times of the year. If you disagree, just look at the people
you come across over the next several days and see how many “happy”
faces you can find.
If you are going to make it through another holiday rush, you must
develop strong survival techniques which will control your stress level
and allow you to enjoy the beautiful moments of the season. In other
words, you must become a calming influence in the middle of a stressful
storm of commotion.
The most important thing you must do is convince yourself that it
is absolutely useless to get upset about things that are beyond your
control. You can’t always get your own way, no matter how much you
complain or wish you could change things. If you must go shopping between
now and Christmas, don’t complain about the crowds, the traffic, the
high prices, the rudeness or the chaos of life. When you are the tenth
person in line at the check-out counter, accept the fact that this is the
way it is and nothing you can do will change it. Once you surrender to
this actuality you will find a strange sense of peace take over your body.
Take the little things that happen every day in stride and accept
them for what they are - simply life happening. Next time one of your
children accidentally knocks over one of your favourite glasses causing it
to break on the floor, don’t get all upset and rant and rave about the
carelessness of today’s youth. Accept it for what it is - a moment of
life that includes a broken glass. Use it to show your child how to
carefully pick up the pieces and dispose of them so as not to endanger
anyone else. Show the child how to get every last little sliver off the
floor. And while you are doing it, think about how many times in your own
life you accidentally broke items around the house. It may actually be
hard to hide your smile. When it is all over, give your child a hug and
remind him or her to be more careful next time.
If you can change your reactions to negative events so that your
response reflects a calm and peaceful acceptance, you will discover that
the solutions to these negative moments are readily at hand. And even in
the midst of the chaos of Christmas holidays, you will be amazed at how
much easier your life will become. Start today! Stop the negativity before
it has a chance to spiral out of control. Make Christmas 2006 a truly
peaceful time in your family.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
|
How
Many Potatoes Are You Carrying Around? |
|
I just finished reading what must be the shortest story in the world. It
is a story that was written by M. Stanley Bubien and is entitled, “The
Unhappiest Man Who Ever Lived”. Let me share the story with you.
“Forgive?
Never!”
How is that for a
powerful story?
Let me tell you the
story again.
“Forgive?
Never!”
Yes, these are definitely the words one would expect to be spoken
by ‘The Unhappiest Man Who Ever Lived”. Do you know him? Have you ever
met him?
To further illustrate the message of this wonderful story, let me
share with you another short passage I came across recently. The author of
this story is unknown, but I am sure each of us in our own small way can
identify with the moral.
The
story is entitled, ‘Are Your Potatoes Heavy?’
“A college teacher brought a couple of huge sacks of potatoes
to class one day. She told her students to think of people they have
refused to forgive for whatever it was that they said or did to them. All
of the students could think of quite a number of people who had done
something to them that was absolutely unforgivable. The teacher then
instructed the students to take one potato from the sack for each person
for whom they could not forgive and write the name of that person on the
potato. Each student then put their potatoes inside a clear plastic bag
and were told to carry that bag with them everywhere they went for one
full week. They were to put the bag beside their bed at night, on the car
seat when driving, next to their desk at work, at the dinner table, etc.
The students experienced the inconvenience of lugging this bag of
potatoes around with them. Naturally, the condition of the potatoes
deteriorated to a nasty smelly slime. This was a great metaphor for the
price we pay for the emotional baggage we carry around with us when we
refuse to forgive others for the pain they have caused during our life’s
experiences. The message came across loud and clear to the students who
suddenly realized that while we often think of forgiveness as a gift TO
the other person, it is actually a gift FOR ourselves to get rid of these
nasty feelings that we harbour inside.”
It is too easy to blame others for our problems. When this becomes
a personal habit, we tend to blame others for all of our anger,
frustration, depression, stress and unhappiness. If something is missing,
someone else must have moved it; if your marriage did not work out, it was
your spouse’s fault; if you lose your job, it was your employer who was
to blame; and so on.
Personal happiness and peace cannot be achieved as long as you are
blaming others. In order to be at peace with yourself, you must accept
responsibility for your own actions as well as for your reactions to
others around you. To carry on the hatred is like carrying around a bag of
potatoes. Until you forgive the person and get rid of the potato, it will
be a burden on your life and will follow you wherever you go. Forgiving
the person who has done you wrong is not so much a gift to that person,
but a gift to yourself so that you can rid yourself of this heavy burden
and not allow it to consume so much of your life. You can apply this
philosophy to virtually all situations in which you find yourself unable
to forgive another person.
Blaming others is very stressful and takes a tremendous amount of
mental energy. It also leaves you powerless over your own life in that you
soon feel that your own happiness is controlled by the actions of others.
When you stop blaming others, you will regain control of your personal
power and take charge of your own happiness. You will also find that life
is much more fun when you stop blaming others and forgive them for what
they have done.
So, next time you think you are so angry that you feel someone has
done something to you that can never be forgiven, remember the story about
‘The Unhappiest Man Who Ever Lived’. Get rid of your potatoes and
enjoy life.
BACK
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|
Wasted The Whole Day Fishing With
Jimmy: Didn't Catch A Thing |
The
other day I had a moment of inspiration and decided to clean out the
basement. I knew that there was a lot of junk that was just taking up
space and it was time to get rid of a few things.
As I was sorting out one of the bookshelves, I came across several beat-up
old binders that contained photos that had been taken many years ago while
our children were growing up. My wife had organized them into different
years and special moments in the lives of our family. As I looked at the
expressions on the faces of the “young children” in the photos, it
made me realize just how many “special moments” there were in my life
as a parent. The old photos
brought back a lot of memories, but I couldn’t help but notice that the
expressions on the faces of my children seemed to indicate that they were
enjoying themselves much more than I was.
Then,
as I turned one of the pages in the album, a wrinkled old paper fell out
that put everything into perspective.
It contained a story
about an old man who was going through a stack of boxes in his attic,
coming upon one old photograph album after another, much like what I was
just doing in the basement. He was actually looking for an old photo of
his wife, who had recently passed away due to a lengthy illness.
Let me share the rest of the story with you…
Silent as a mouse, he
patiently opened the long-buried treasures and soon was lost in a sea of
memories. Setting aside one of
the dusty albums, he pulled from the box what appeared to be a journal
from his grown son's childhood. He could not recall ever having seen it
before, or that his son had ever kept a journal.
“Why did
Elizabeth
always save the children's old junk?” he wondered, shaking his white
head. Opening the yellowed pages, he glanced over a short entry, and his
lips curved in an unconscious smile. Even his eyes brightened as he read
the words that spoke clear and sweet to his soul.
It was the voice of the
little boy who had grown up far too fast in this very house, and whose
voice had grown fainter and fainter over the years. In the utter silence
of the attic, the words of an innocent six-year-old worked their magic and
carried the old man back to a time almost totally forgotten.
Entry after entry
stirred a sentimental hunger in his heart, but it was accompanied by the
painful memory that his son's simple recollections of those days were far
different from his own. But how different?
Reminded that he had
kept a daily journal of his business activities over the years, he closed
his son's journal and turned to leave, having forgotten the cherished
photo that originally triggered his search.
Hunched over to keep
from bumping his head on the rafters, the old man stepped to the wooden
stairway and made his descent, then headed down a carpeted stairway that
led to the den.
Opening a glass cabinet
door, he reached in and pulled out an old business journal. Turning, he
sat down at his desk and placed the two journals beside each other.
His was leather bound
and engraved neatly with his name in gold, while his son's was tattered
and the name "Jimmy" had been nearly scuffed from its surface.
He ran a long skinny finger over the letters, as though he could restore
what had been worn away with time and use.
As he opened his
journal, the old man's eyes fell upon an inscription that stood out
because it was so brief in comparison to other days. In his own neat
handwriting were these words:
Wasted
the whole day fishing with Jimmy. Didn't catch a thing.
With a deep sigh
and a shaking hand, he took Jimmy's journal and found the boy's entry for
the same day, June 4. Large scrawling letters pressed deeply in the paper
read:
Went
fishing with my dad. Best day of my life!
This
week I want to leave one simple message to all young parents reading this
editorial.
Please don't ever forget to
make time for the most important people in your life...you never know
the impact the moments you share together will have on both of you.
And to all of the
older parents, and fellow grandparents, it’s never too late to make
time.
Do it while you can.
BACK
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|
|
“This
Would Be Funny If It Wasn’t So Close To The Truth” |
|
Take a few minutes to reflect back upon your life and
think about some of the achievements and accomplishments that
gave you the most satisfaction. Chances are the times that
come to mind are those when you were allowed the freedom to
assume full responsibility for the results of your actions.
Those are most likely the times when you were given a job to
do and allowed the freedom to “do it your way”.
I know in my own life I have always worked best when I
was given a job to do, told the parameters within which I was
to operate, and then permitted to make things happen in my own
way. The times that have caused me the most stress and
produced varying degrees of confrontation with my superiors
were times when I was given the responsibility to do something
and then “told how” to do it by the person in charge.
In my many roles in life, as a father, a teacher, a
business owner or a tutoring agent, I have always, always,
always believed that if I was going to hold someone
accountable for results I couldn’t supervise their methods.
In other words, if I gave someone a task and told them that I
was going to hold them responsible for the results, I had to
at least allow them to do the job THEIR WAY, not mine. I may
not have done the job in the same manner, but as long as they
are not in any danger of hurting themselves or someone else,
then I had to give them all of the help and support they
needed and then demonstrate my confidence in their ability by
GETTING OUT OF THE WAY and letting them do their job. Even if
it meant that they failed, I would at least have demonstrated
that I had faith and confidence in them to let them try it
their way. If they failed, then they could try another way.
Eventually they would get the job done and feel good about
themselves. It may have taken longer, but they were better
sons, students, employees or tutors for the experience.
The problem we have in many areas of society today is
that the LEADERS of business, government and even volunteer
organizations spend far too much time finding fault and
criticizing. It has reached such epidemic proportions that
when I read the following story I couldn’t bring myself to
laugh. Even though it is one of the funniest stories I ever
read, it is SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH that is just not funny.
This is a
story about two employees of a landscaping company and their
supervisor, Sam. However, it could apply to many management /
employee situations, including perhaps the one in which you
currently find yourself.
“Sam,
a supervisor, was dumbfounded as he watched Bill diligently
dig holes while Chuck, after waiting a short interval, filled
them. When Sam demanded an explanation, Bill was indignant:
"We’ve been doing this job for more than 10 years.
What’s your problem?"
"Are
you telling me that for 10 years you’ve been digging and
filling empty holes?" Sam replied.
"Well,
not exactly," Bill said. "Until a few months ago,
another fellow put a bush in the hole before Chuck filled it.
But he retired and was never replaced."
"Why
didn’t you tell somebody?" Sam sputtered.
"My
gosh," Bill answered. "You’re management. We
figured you knew."
THIS WOULD
BE FUNNY IF IT WASN’T SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH. Management
styles today are often built upon control, especially when the
positions of responsibility are filled with people who just
don’t have what it takes to lead people. In many situations,
when employees make mistakes, instead of using the occasion as
a learning opportunity, managers often place blame upon the
employees and make them feel inadequate or fearful of losing
their job in order to demonstrate who is in power. Offering
suggestions to a manager like this is useless since they feel
that by accepting advice from employees they are demonstrating
weakness as a leader.
After a few years of this kind of treatment
employees learn to adopt the attitude that in order to protect
themselves from criticism, they will ONLY DO WHAT THEY ARE
TOLD. Hence, you
get people like Bill and Chuck who simply continue doing what
they’ve always done, even if it doesn’t make sense. After
all, they can’t be blamed for anything as long as they are
doing what they were told to do. It’s not their fault if
things go wrong while they are following orders from
management.
We all find ourselves in “management” roles of some
kind during our life. Regardless of the situation, you should
remember that if you give someone a job to do, don’t
supervise their methods. Let them do the job THEIR WAY as long
as they produce the desired results. Give them the support
they need and be there if they ask for advice, but don’t
interfere unless YOU are willing to accept responsibility for
the results.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
|
“The
One Thing Everyone Needs In Life” |
|
I learned a long time ago through my involvement with
people in all walks of life…whether it was at work, at
school, at home or in any other part of life, that there is
absolutely one thing everyone and I mean everyone needs in
this world. It doesn’t matter what age you are, or whether
you are a man or woman, girl or boy, nor does it matter what
your status is in society…the one thing we all need is to
feel appreciated.
Mary Kay Ash once wrote, “Everyone has an invisible
sign hanging around their neck saying MAKE ME FEEL
IMPORTANT.”
In my line
of work I meet a lot of people who are in between jobs. Many
were once in pretty decent occupations earning a substantial
income and all indications were that they were successful at
what they did. Most of those people identified one main reason
for leaving their employment – a lack of appreciation and
acknowledgement for their contributions to the company or
organization.
A quotation I read the other day by George Adams got me
thinking about the various directions I have taken in my own
life and career.
Adams
stated,
“There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them
have come about through encouragement from someone else.”
Adams
was
absolutely correct. As I thought back on some of the times in
my life I considered to be “high points” I could clearly
recall that is was encouragement provided by others that gave
me the confidence to move ahead with my dreams. It seems as if
there was always someone there to give me the strength and
courage I needed at just the right time. I wondered what might
have become of me if I hadn’t received that little bit of
encouragement. What if I was left on my own to muster up the
courage? Would I have been able to accomplish all that I have
done in my life?
Dale Carnegie,
the person who became famous for his inspirational books and
programs has empowered people all over the world. He once
said, “Perhaps tomorrow you will forget the kind words you
say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a
lifetime.” When
I read Carnegie’s comment I decided to reflect upon my
activities during the previous few days. Where there moments
during those days when I may have said something that could
possibly have had a life-changing effect on another person
with whom I had come in contact?
I recalled
that the previous morning I had a meeting with a recent
graduate of Teachers’ College to interview her for a
position with my tutoring agency.
We had never met before, yet when our eyes met in the
crowded room at Tim Horton’s I knew right away who she was.
As we sat down to talk I explained to her that out of all of
the people in the room, she was the one who stood out because
she “looked like a teacher”. I said that as a very
positive comment about the “presence” she portrayed and
the way she carried herself. She thanked me and then we went
on with our meeting. But I could tell that my comment meant a
lot to her.
And then there was the young lady a few days earlier
who stopped by my office to register as a tutor. After talking
with her for a while I encouraged her to develop a seminar
presentation that we could offer to schools in the area as
part of a full-day workshop. She was absolutely thrilled with
the prospect of getting involved in a project about which she
was so passionate. I felt good about being able to provide her
with the motivation to proceed with this venture, and then as
she was leaving she turned to me and said four words that have
echoed in my head ever since. She simply said, with a sincere
smile of appreciation, “You are so inspiring!”
Two seemingly uneventful moments in my life: and yet in
those moments one lady who has thus far been unsuccessful in
her search for a chance to begin her career in teaching may
have received the strength and inspiration to carry on
pursuing her dream of one day being in front of a class: just
because I told her that she “looked like a teacher” and
that she has obviously made the right career choice. I wonder
if the other young lady will be inspired by my encouragement
to fuel her passion for teaching natural science and perhaps
spread her knowledge and enthusiasm among many other young
students as a result of our meeting.
All I know for certain is that I will never forget the
tremendous feeling of appreciation I felt when I heard those
four words directed at me.
It clearly
made me aware of the enormous responsibility we all possess.
Each and every one of us has the power to change a life with a
single comment: the chance to encourage and show appreciation
to all other human beings with whom we come into contact.
I leave you
this week with a short passage from John Wesley: “Do all the
good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you
can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To
all the people you can. As long as ever you can.”
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS |
|
“Welcome
To
Holland
!
You’ll Be Here For A Long Time So Enjoy Your Stay.” |
|
Have
you ever experienced disappointment in your life? Have you
ever had any of your personal, family or career dreams go up
in smoke?
I suppose it’s only human nature to complain about
how rough life is. After all, we never have enough money, or
time, or opportunity to do everything we want. And so many of
us recall times when we had to suddenly cancel a trip or
dinner engagement because of some unforeseen happening.
I meet a
lot of people from all walks of life because of my involvement
in education. Many of them tell me of how they had big plans
in their life for wonderful careers, huge homes and plenty of
fame and recognition. Those plans changed because of some
major event that forced them to take on a whole new direction.
I want to share a story with you today which shows us
that if we spend too much time mourning our losses, or wishing
we were somewhere else, we will miss out on so many of the
special things that exist in our own life, even if it is not
quite the life we had planned and dreamed about.
This is an adaptation of a story is entitled,
“Welcome To
Holland
”. It
was written by Emily Perl Kingsley, who was describing what it
was like when she gave birth to a daughter with Down Syndrome.
The message will touch the heart of everyone who remembers
dreaming of a life that is much different from the one in
which they are living.
When
you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous
vacation trip to
Italy
. You
buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The
Coliseum; the Michelangelo; David; the gondolas in
Venice
; and
more. You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s
all very exciting as you plan for this wonderful trip that
will change your life forever.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally
arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours
later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says,
“Welcome to
Holland
.”
“
Holland
?!?”
you say. “What do you mean
Holland
? I
signed up for
Italy
! I’m
supposed to be in
Italy
. All
my life I’ve dreamed of going to
Italy
.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan.
They’ve landed in
Holland
and
there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to
a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence,
famine and disease. It’s just a different place. It’s just
not where you had expected to land.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you
must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new
group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than
Italy
and
less flashy than
Italy
. But
after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your
breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that
Holland
has
windmills...and
Holland
has
tulips.
Holland
even
has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from
Italy
...and
they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had
there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, “Yes,
that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had
planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go
away...because the loss of that dream is a very, very
significant loss.
But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you
didn’t get to
Italy
, you
may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely
things...about
Holland
.
Emily dreamed all her life about becoming a mother with
a normal child and doing all of the things that mothers do
with their daughter. But that’s not what happened and she
learned to accept this change and enjoy everything about her
new arrival. She was still a mother and this was still her
daughter, only it was different.
This story
is not just about people who have children with a disability.
It is for anyone who has experienced real pain in life. It is
for anyone who has lost a loved one; experienced a divorce;
been in an accident; is suffering from a life-threatening
disease; had to move away from home; or any number of other
major life-altering events. It is about making new plans and
reading new guide books. It is about letting everyone else
talk about their trip to
Italy
while you
are taking time to enjoy the windmills and tulips of
Holland
.
For no matter how much pain you feel, or how bad your
situation may seem to you at times, there are always
beautiful, special windmills and tulips in your world. All you
have to do is stop mourning and accept that this is the way it
will be.
Welcome to
Holland
! You’ll
be here for a long time so enjoy your stay.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
|
|
|
One day, many years ago, I came upon a cocoon on an old log in
my yard. The cocoon was moving and I could see that a
butterfly was trying to break out of the cocoon to begin its
short, but wonderful life flying among the flowers.
I went up to the cocoon and gently pulled apart
the opening to help the butterfly emerge. It appeared grateful
for the favour as it burst out of the cocoon and onto the log
where it stretched its wings in the sun. And then the saddest
thing happened.
Try as it might, this beautiful butterfly was
unable to fly. It was unable to flap its wings and stumbled in
its attempts to become airborne. Eventually it gave up and
died.
I then realized that my well-intentioned
assistance in helping the butterfly get out of the cocoon
actually caused the death of this beautiful insect. Nature,
you see, created a cocoon that would be difficult to get out
of precisely so that the wings of the butterfly would be
strengthened through the struggle. By the time the butterfly
battled its way out of the cocoon, the wings would be strong
enough to allow the butterfly to fly. By pulling the cocoon
apart, the butterfly was allowed to escape its prison, but
once outside it didn’t have the strength to fly. Had I
simply stood back and watched the butterfly struggle with the
cocoon, the insect would have gone through the natural process
of “growing up” and would have been strong enough to
survive on its own. I was simply in too much of a hurry and
did not allow the butterfly the time it needed to evolve.
Memories of that afternoon watching a beautiful
butterfly die because of my “help” came vividly to mind a
couple of weeks ago during a trip to I made to Toronto with my
granddaughter who just turned three years old. The two of us
were on our way to visit her parents, her little sister,
Hannah, and my wife (Grandma) who had been gone for over a
week. We were all anxious to get together again and as I
pulled out of Mamere and Papere’s driveway in
Chelmsford
,
Hailee and I were both excited about the trip and couldn’t
wait to arrive at our destination.
When we completed the “SEVEN” hour trip to
Toronto
later that day the reunion was absolutely wonderful and I can
sincerely say that I enjoyed every single minute of that long
journey. I also realized that the butterfly emerging from a
cocoon has a lot in common with a young child growing up. Just
as it is with the butterfly, you must allow a child the
opportunity to struggle and evolve, even if it means taking an
extra couple of hours to get to
Toronto
.
Hailee is at that “I want to do it myself”
stage of life. And if you can just get over the “hurry-up
syndrome” we acquire as adults, it is wonderful to witness.
Who knew that the putting a straw into the hole in a juice box
for the very first time could be such an earth-shattering
event? Or being strong enough to actually open the fridge door
for the first time? Or that putting on your own shoes – on
the right feet no less – would be so satisfying?
I will never forget the look on her face the day
she was able to climb into my truck by herself. She finally
stood up on my seat, holding onto the steering wheel and
declared proudly, “I did it!” And when she could actually
put her own seat belt on – what a moment!
Have you ever watched a three-year old struggle
to sip a McDonald’s milkshake through a straw? It is hard
enough for an adult. And yet every time the icy solution
touched her lips you could see the delight in her eyes. I
learned that you can’t hurry a child through a milkshake.
Yes, the trip to
Toronto
took almost seven hours. Her 5th and final “pee
break” came while we were caught in rush hour traffic on the
401. When I heard the dreaded “Grandpa, I have to go pee”
for the third time in five minutes I knew I had no choice but
to pull off on to the busy Allen Road. Soon we found a place
where I could use my truck to shield her from public view and
let her relieve herself in the grass under an overpass. I
can’t wait for the right moment to remind her about what her
grandpa had to do to make sure that she didn’t wet her
pants. I think I will wait until her wedding day. It will be a
good toast to the bride.
We were both extremely happy to finally be
reunited with the rest of our family. But as I pulled into the
parking lot at the end of the journey I also felt a sense of
sadness that the trip was coming to an end. It was a
remarkable journey and definitely a highlight of my life. I
just know that the next time I travel to
Toronto
,
the five hour trip will seem empty without her.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
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|
There
Is Nothing Ordinary About An Ordinary Day |
|
I think we have all heard the
saying, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
take, but by the number of moments that take our breath
away." This
cliché is constantly being used by inspirational speakers and
writers to convince us that we should appreciate the truly
remarkable moments in our life and cherish them forever.
Last
weekend I came across an essay written by an unknown author
that made me look at life from a whole different perspective.
The writer contended that our lives are not really measured by
the number of breaths we take or even by the number of moments
that take our breath away, but rather our lives are measured
by what happens during ordinary days. After all, we certainly
have more plain ordinary days than we have special days or
moments that take our breath away.
While we
will always look forward to those beautiful milestones in our
life, such as the birth of a child, a graduation, a wedding, a
birthday or anniversary celebration, they are few and far
between for most of us.
In fact, we spend the vast majority of our time on this
earth living normal, ordinary days which turn quickly into
normal, ordinary years. We simply go about our business of
being parents, spouses, employees and friends and life goes
on.
Therefore if we are going to accurately measure our
life; it is what we do with these ordinary days that will
actually define us. Your life is therefore defined by the sum
of all of your ordinary days. We are who we are because of
those typical days, not the moments that take our breath away
or the number of years we have been alive.
A few days
after reading that essay my wife and I found ourselves looking
after our two grandchildren on a Saturday night. We both enjoy
the time we get to spend with our granddaughters during these
“sleepovers” and our two little angels can’t wait to go
to “Grandma and Grandpa’s”.
It so
happened that on this particular evening our eldest
granddaughter who is almost three years old didn’t want to
go to bed. Try as we might, she just wouldn’t cooperate. So
rather than fighting (fellow grandparents will understand this
unwillingness to fight with grandchildren), we just told her
she could sit quietly on the rocking chair with her head on a
pillow and watch television. The hockey game was on so I am
sure it was absolutely boring for her, but she didn’t mind
because at least she didn’t have to go to bed.
While she
was sitting there, I reached my foot over and began gently
rocking the chair in the hope that she would fall asleep and
we could carry her to bed.
It was at that moment when I flashed back in time and
vividly recalled standing in the hallway at the hospital,
looking into the room at my daughter-in-law moments after she
had delivered her first-born baby. My daughter-in-law will
tell you that she never looked so awful and exhausted, with
her hair a complete mess, but when I saw her holding my first
granddaughter, the two of them were the most beautiful sight I
could ever imagine. I told her that there is nothing in this
world more beautiful than a new mother holding her child.
Now, almost three years later, I looked over at this
wonderful little girl, curled up in the rocking chair, eyes
slowly closing while Grandpa was gently rocking her with his
outstretched toes. I thought about my one year old
granddaughter already asleep in her crib in another room. It
was then that the significance of the essay hit me. This was
just an ordinary day in my life. It was almost
10 p.m.
and our granddaughter was giving us a hard time about going to
bed. But at that very moment, as I gazed upon her innocent
face with her eyes closed I felt the same as I had at the
moment of her birth, looking at her in the arms of her mother.
As ordinary as the day may have seemed, I couldn’t have
imagined myself being happier or more at peace than I was
right then and there. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere
else.
I am truly convinced that the ordinary days of our
lives are the ones that are the most precious. And the older I
get the more I realize that there is nothing ordinary about an
ordinary day. And that is the way life is supposed to be.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
|
We're
all in This Together Let's Use The Community Circle of Support |
|
As the world
seems to shrink thanks in large part to the internet and
satellite communication technology which allows us to
effortlessly connect to anyone and everyone on this planet, I
have noticed that it is getting more and more difficult to
feel as if you “belong” to anything.
What I mean is that in the “old days”
which were not that long ago, there was a kind of community
spirit that developed among residents who lived in close
proximity to each other. You walked down the street and you
knew everyone you met. You felt safe and comfortable knowing
that everyone would be there to help each other in times of
need and truly cared about their neighbours. The rest of the
world seemed far away and we could be content living in our
own “little corner of the world”, away from the craziness
of society.
We seem to have lost a lot of that “community comfort and
security”. Today we know more about the rest of the world
than we know about our own neighbourhood. The rapid
development of communication technology has allowed us to
withdraw from our “own community” and enter whatever other
part of the world we want, simply by turning on the computer
or watching CNN and other satellite television. There is no
longer any need to “belong” to the community in which we
live. Indeed, many multi-national corporations are operating
via the internet out of homes just like the one you are living
in right now, right in your own neighbourhood and you have no
idea about the “global community” to which they belong.
Things look the same from the outside as they did years ago,
but something very important is missing.
Let me use
the following story to illustrate the message I want to leave
you with this week.
There once
was a slave named Androcles who escaped from his master and
fled into the forest. As he was wandering about he came upon a
lion lying down moaning and groaning. At first he turned to
run away, but when he noticed that the lion did not chase him,
he turned back and went up to the mighty beast. As Androcles
came near, the lion put out his paw, which was all swollen and
bleeding. When he looked at the paw he saw a huge thorn which
was stuck in it causing all the pain. Androcles pulled out the
thorn and bound up the paw of the lion who was soon able to
rise and lick the hand of Androcles like a dog. The lion then
took Androcles to his cave and every day brought him meat on
which to survive. Shortly afterwards, both Androcles and the
lion were captured and the slave was sentenced to be thrown to
the lion which had been kept without food for several days.
The Emperor and his people came to see the spectacle.
Androcles was led out into the middle of the arena. Soon the
lion was released from his den and rushed bounding and roaring
towards his victim. But as soon as the lion came near to
Androcles, he recognized his friend and fawned upon him,
licking his hands like a friendly dog. When the Emperor was
told the whole story, Androcles was set free and the lion let
loose to return to his native forest.
This
story holds a great deal of significance for the people living
in
Valley East
today.
Our community should be all about businesses and
residents living in harmony in a circle of support. The
businesses of
Valley East
exist to provide goods and
services to the families who live in this community.
Consumers who shop locally help keep the businesses viable and
healthy by increasing their sales. As businesses
increase their sales, it enables them to expand, put more
people to work and contribute back to the community through
sponsorships, donations and other forms of support.
By reaching
out to help each other; in other words with residents who are
willing to support local businesses and with businesses who
are willing to provide local residents with good value for the
goods and services purchased, we will all benefit from the
power of this Community Circle of Support and move forward
into a brighter future with confidence that we are all in this
together.
I
am therefore asking all businesses to make a sincere effort to
increase the level of awareness among local residents of the
goods and services you have available. I ask all resident to
please consider those goods and services before you make
purchases elsewhere. Soon, we may rediscover the “feeling
that we belong” to this great community of
Valley East.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
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|
|
An old legend tells of a tribe of people that was
continually at war with other tribes. This aggressive
tribe murdered and destroyed neighbouring tribes and
villages. They had no morals, love or compassion and
were extremely greedy and cruel in their pursuit of
success.
A
dismayed wise man of a good tribe called a conference of
reasonable people in tribes throughout the region. They
met to see what they could do to save the people of this
aggressive tribe from themselves. After much discussion,
they decided to take the secret of personal success and
happiness away from those who abused it and hide it from
them. One wise man at the meeting asked, “Where can we
put it so they won’t find it?”
One
person suggested it be buried deep in the earth; another
suggested it be placed on the top of a high mountain.
Some suggested it be thrown into the ocean. After all of
the suggestions it was agreed that the secret of
happiness and success could be too easily found if it
was hidden in any of these obvious places.
Finally,
one wise old man who had kept quiet during the
conference said, “Let’s hide the secret within the
people of the aggressive tribe themselves. People like
this will never think to look for happiness and success
within themselves.”
To
this day, the violent tribe has continued to pursue
success and happiness in many places, never guessing
that they possess this true secret to success and
happiness within themselves.
This
simple legend tells us a great deal about human nature.
So often we spend our days running to and fro attempting
to find success and happiness by spending countless
hours in an attempt to increase our salary level; being
ruthless in our business deals; trying to gain the upper
hand on business associates; attempting to beat the
stock market; and making sure we have the newest and
most expensive collection of toys and gadgets over which
to gloat when talking to our neighbours and
acquaintances.
Yet,
just as it was with the violent tribe, no matter how
much we have, or how powerful we become, we just don’t
seem to be truly happy. We want more happiness and more
success and are committed to investing more time and
energy in finding this happiness and success.
All of this
simply points out how smart the wise old man in the
legend really was. He knew that most people think the
secret of happiness and success must be searched for and
can only be acquired by taking it from someone else.
Little do we know that the real secret of happiness and
success is actually buried deep within our own self and
does not depend on what we have, but on who we are as
individuals.
As we
move through our life's journey there will be many
opportunities for personal reflection. It is a time when
most of us take a good long look in the mirror and
review our situation in life. We will talk at length
with family and friends about initiatives we intend to
undertake in the future to improve ourselves. Most of
our plans will be designed to make us happier and more
successful in our personal and business ventures.
Whenever
you are immersed in one of those moments of true peace, stop immediately and ask
yourself what it is that is making you feel so good at
the time. Ask yourself why, at that particular moment,
you feel so good and so satisfied. What makes that
particular moment in time so different from the others?
You will discover that those moments of extreme
happiness and joy are times when you have truly
discovered yourself. Those are times when you are not
being defined by ‘what you have’ but by ‘who you
are’ and ‘what you mean to other loved ones in your
life’.
In
our search for happiness, let’s not overlook the
hiding place that is closest to our heart. For if you
really want to find happiness and success, you must look
inward, not outward.
BACK
TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS |
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“Celebrate
National Adult Day With A Child This Weekend…”
|
|
November 20 is National Child Day. If you
are like most parents you may take the position that
“every day” is child day. When do we get a
“National Adult Day”?
Nevertheless, even though the designation of
November 20 as National Child Day is part of an act of
the Parliament of Canada that was passed in 1993 to draw
attention to the rights of so many disadvantaged
children in the world, it is a good time for parents,
grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and good friends to
sit back and take a good long look at these “little
people” who will soon become adults just like the rest
of us.
National Child Day is a time for us to celebrate
children for who they are – right now!
We can learn a lot from watching a child. One
thing we learn is that for children, life is made up of
individual moments, and the most precious of those
moments is the one that is occurring now - in “real
time”. Not yesterday’s or tomorrow’s moment, but
the one that is happening right now!
Children, especially young children, live in the
present. They devote their entire energy to enjoying the
best that the present has to offer. They do not let
worries about the past bother them. Nor do they let
concerns about the future get in the way of their
savouring of the present moment. As I watch my
granddaughter sitting quietly on the couch eating her
“goldfish crackers” and drinking her “juice”,
she could care less about what is on television, the
toys strewn all over the living room floor or that it is
almost bed time. She just calmly accepts that now is the
time to simply enjoy her crackers and juice and nothing
else matters.
It’s
is hard to imagine how children can be so wise at such a
young age. And equally hard to understand how, as we
grow older, we seem to lose a lot of that wisdom. For
example, children seem to understand that life is a
series of experiences, each important unto itself, and
each deserving of one’s total attention. By devoting
their energy to what they are doing at the moment, and
then moving on with the same zestful approach to the
next, children get the most out of everything they do
and end up with the best chance of developing a very
healthy personality and character. They show a lot of
wisdom about how to get the most out of life and how to
become the “best you can be”.
So
what happens to this wisdom as we grow older and become
adults. Why do we keep worrying about what went on
yesterday; what we are doing tomorrow; mistakes we have
made in the past; and concerns about how we will manage
tomorrow? How is it that we can be so wise as children
and then as adults we forget how important it is to
focus on the present?
As adults we have the “intellectual capacity”
to identify meaningful goals and plans for the future;
to have routines that will ensure that our home is clean
and orderly; to shop for nutritious food in order to
prepare meals for our family; to find suitable
employment in order to provide the basic necessities of
survival; and to organize a stimulating environment for
our children. And yet, we seem to lose some of the
“wisdom” we had as a child. We lose the wisdom that
helps us get the most out of what we do during the day;
to go from one experience to another, allowing those
experiences to add to our “total being” and help
fulfill our basic human instinct to grow as individuals.
And so, this weekend, I would urge all parents,
grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and adults
everywhere to find one or more children and simply “be
with them”, even if only for a short while. Learn all
you can from them. Watch the “Dora” video for the
200th time. Put the puzzle of the “wheat
field” together for the 10th time. Build
the tower of blocks and knock them down ten or twenty
times in a row, and laugh yourself silly with the child
each time. And sit down once in a while on the couch to
enjoy the “goldfish crackers” and “grape juice”.
Do
all of this and I guarantee that you will indeed feel as
if you have just celebrated “National Adult Day”. I
have to go now. My granddaughter wants to press the up
and down arrows on the keyboard so that she can see
pictures of her “Grandpa” on the computer screen.
BACK
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|
“The
Moments That Stand Out In Your Life…” |
|
Henry Drummond once wrote, “You will find, as
you look back upon your life, that the moments that
stand out are the moments when you have done things for
others.”
I thought about that quote the other day as I sat
in the parish hall at PAROISSE STE-MARGUERITE-D'YOUVILLE
during the Chevaliers de Colomb Spaghetti Dinner. Close
to 500 people enjoyed a dinner that was prepared and
served by members of the parish who were volunteering
their time for this event. Despite the energy it took to
put this wonderful dinner on, not one of those
volunteers looked tired. They were all smiling and
joking with everyone in the hall and just seemed to be
thoroughly enjoying themselves.
While I was eating my spaghetti, my thoughts
drifted back a couple of weeks in time to the PAROISSE
STE-JACQUES parish hall, where I had once again come
across some hard working volunteers who had organized a
special fund-raising event in support of Monique
Laderoute who was forced to evacuate from her home in
Lebanon. Once again, I recalled that all of those people
who were giving of their time to help Monique seemed to
be so happy and at peace with what they were doing.
Just
last week I watched the volunteers from LE CENTRE CLUB
AGE d'OR DE LA VALLEE put on a marvelous luncheon for
visitors from Greater Sudbury Community Living
association.
I thought about the ladies from St. James in The
Valley United Church; and the members of the Valley East
Lions Club; and ALL of the volunteers from the various
groups and organizations who have chosen to work for the
benefit of others. I remembered Anne Unwin and her
volunteers at the Good Neighbours Food Bank, dealing
with the despair of people who were down on their luck
and in need of emergency food supplies. Not one of
Anne’s volunteers have ever demonstrated any negative
sign of emotional distress themselves. They are always
happy and in a good mood. The same can be said about the
Georgette Bergeron and her volunteers at the CERCLE
MISSIONNAIRE de la VALLEE.
As I
was cleaning off my plate my thoughts drifted to the
Chevaliers du Colomb #5005 hall on
Emily Street
where I recently saw the awesome mobile blood donor
clinic in operation. While speaking to Robert Plourde
and Roger Menard I could sense a tremendous feeling of
satisfaction at what these men and their team of a dozen
or more volunteers were doing along with Councils #7368;
#10602; and #9922 as each took their turns sponsoring
the monthly clinics. Not once did I see a volunteer
looking stressed out or tired at the clinic.
I sat
for a few moments in silence, simply taking in the
breath-taking atmosphere of the spaghetti dinner and
recalled an old Chinese tale about a woman whose only
son died. In her grief, she went to the holy man and
said, "What prayers, what magical incantations do
you have to bring my son back to life?"
Instead
of sending her away or reasoning with her, he said to
her, "Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has
never known sorrow. We will use it to drive the sorrow
out of your life." The woman went off at once in
search of that magical mustard seed.
She
came first to a splendid mansion, knocked at the door,
and said, "I am looking for a home that has never
known sorrow. Is this such a place? It is very important
to me."
They
told her, "You've certainly come to the wrong
place," and began to describe all the tragic things
that recently had befallen them.
The
woman said to herself, "Who is better able to help
these poor, unfortunate people than I, who have had
misfortune of my own?" She stayed to comfort them,
then went on in search of a home that had never known
sorrow.
But
wherever she turned, in hovels and in other places, she
found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune.
She became so involved in ministering to other people's
grief that ultimately she forgot about her quest for the
magical mustard seed, never realizing that it had, in
fact, driven the sorrow out of her life.
I had come to the church that evening to do a
story about a spaghetti dinner. As I was leaving, I said
good bye to my good friend Gerry Chartrand who reminded
me about the Sunday Brunch he was organizing the
following week. He thanked me for coming to their
spaghetti dinner and for doing a story that would appear
in The Vision. But I knew that it was I who should be
thanking him and all of the other volunteers I had come
across that evening and in the weeks prior. This was
definitely a moment that was going to stand out in my
life.
And
so, if you are ever feeling down and out yourself, or if
you have sorrow of some kind in your own life, remember
the lesson that was learned by the old Chinese woman.
Find a place where you can volunteer your time to help
others and you will be surprised at how quickly your own
sorrows seem to disappear.
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Education
Week Is An Important Week For "Family Managers |
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Education
Week is one
week during the year that teachers and students devote to
showcasing the accomplishments and achievements of their
school community. There are numerous activities, events, and
open houses lined up to help increase awareness among the
general public of the important place education has in our
world today.
If you are
a parent, you really don’t need to be reminded about the
importance of education. What goes on at school has an impact
on every single facet of family life from the time your
youngest child enters Junior Kindergarten until the day he or
she finally decides that it is time to leave the classroom and
enter the world of work.
Many
parents today don’t realize, however, just how different
things were when they were going through the system. It sure
seemed a whole lot easier to deal with school matters when my
own children were growing up. Homework
was less difficult to understand and I had no trouble helping
my children with their assignments. Most of the time we just
let the school take care of education responsibilities. Come
to think of it, everything about life seemed so much easier to
deal with.
Times are
different today – in everything, not just education. Parents
are no longer just parents: they are “Family Managers”
with responsibilities that include a wide variety of
functions, including the management of the education and
career planning of their children. In other words, today’s
parents MUST take an active role in the education program of
their children. They have no choice and it is imperative that
they fully understand the implications of provincial testing;
IPRC meetings; IEP requirements; special education and
resource support; academic vs applied levels of study in high
school; college vs university vs apprenticeship options;
report cards that have numbers from 1 to 4 instead of percents
and letters; etc.
Many
parents are left in a total state of confusion, making an
attempt to become involved by “helping” with homework
until they recognize that the math being taught in school
today does not look like the math they were taught 20 or 30
years ago. They try as hard as they can to “force” their
children to keep up with assignments and to get high marks but
this often leads to an elevated level of stress in the home
and a negative attitude towards education among the children.
Today’s
parents have no choice! They must accept their role as
“Family Managers” and within that organizational structure
of the family falls the management of Learning and Education
programs for children.
This can
mean measures that include anywhere from home schooling to
private schools and everything in between from regular schools
to special schools to private tutoring. Whatever it takes, it
is your responsibility as the “Family Manager” to make
sure that effective learning takes place for all members of
your “team” – yourself included.
The primary
responsibility for educating your child is no longer the job
of the schools. It is your job as a parent and how you manage
your choice of schools and your understanding of the school
system is critical to your performance as the “Family
Manager”.
Education
Week is a good time to remind ourselves of these
responsibilities. Take some time this week to visit your
child’s school. Talk to the teacher and principal. And
don’t just talk about the weather. Talk about substance and
become better acquainted with the programs. Ask for
explanations. Question policies and philosophies with which
you disagree. Visit web sites and check things out.
Whatever
you do, DON’T DO NOTHING! Your job as a “Family Manager”
is the most important job you will ever have in your life. Be
good at it!
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Use
The Triple Filter Method The Next Time You Hear A Rumour
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Wouldn’t
it be nice if we could put an end to rumours and gossip?
How
many times in the past have you been guilty of passing
on some juicy information that you heard from someone
you thought you could trust only to find out later that
what you originally heard was wrong? Whenever that
happens to me I get a terrible feeling in the pit of my
stomach, knowing that I have contributed to the spread
of this false information. Each time I vow never to get
caught again…but inevitably history repeats itself.
Well,
I think I’ve finally found a method which will protect
me from rumour and gossip forever. It is such a good
piece of advice that I want to share it with all of my
readers in an attempt to eliminate all forms of rumour
and gossip.
The
next time you either hear or are about to repeat a
rumour, think about the following story about the Greek
philosopher, Socrates, who lived from 469 to 399 BC. He
was widely known and respected for his wisdom.
Once
day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who
ran up to him excitedly and said,
“Socrates, do you know what I just heard about
one of
your students?”
“Wait
a moment," Socrates replied. “Before
you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's
called the Triple
Filter Test.”
“Triple filter?”
“That's right,” Socrates continued.
"Before you talk to me about my Student let's take
a moment to filter what you're going to say. The
first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure
that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,”
the man said, “Actually I just heard about it.”
“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don't
really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the
second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about
to tell me about my student something good?”
“No, on the contrary ...”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell
me something bad about him, even though you're not
certain it's true?”
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates
continued. “You may still pass the test though,
because there is a third filter - the filter of
Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my
student going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really ...”
“Well," concluded Socrates, “if what you
want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even
useful, why tell it to me at all?”
The man was defeated and ashamed.
The
lesson here is one that we can apply in just about all
areas of our life. Whether you are a parent, a teacher,
a friend, a co-worker, or just an acquaintance, the next
time someone starts to tell you a bit of gossip about
another person, simply perform the “Triple Filter”
test on them. If they fail any part of the filter test,
then it is likely not worth your while to listen.
Moreover,
the next time you are tempted to talk about someone
else, or the next time you want to share some secret
with another person, take a couple of moments and do the
“triple filter” test on yourself.
If you have an urge to say anything of which you
are not certain is true; if you have an urge to say
anything which is not good about someone else, or; if
you have an urge to say something which is not even
useful to the person to whom you are speaking, then why
say anything at all. Stop the rumours and gossip that
you are spreading! Refuse to listen to rumours and
gossip from others! Then we can put an end to rumours
and gossip once and for all.
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One night last week my wife and I had the
privilege of baby sitting our two granddaughters. Yes.
We consider it a privilege every time we have an
opportunity to spend time with them. Unfortunately, I
had to attend a meeting so it was around
8:30
when I
finally arrived at the house. My wife told me that my
oldest granddaughter had been asking for me all night,
wondering when Grandpa was coming. Thankfully, she was
still awake and when she saw me I picked her up and she
hugged my neck for what seemed like an eternity. We
didn’t say a word to each other. Just hugged and
snuggled.
The
previous night I had come across the following story in
one of my email messages. Before I write another word, I
want you to read it. It was entitled, “Stay”.
Late
one night at the hospital, a nurse took a tired, anxious
serviceman to the bedside of a dying patient.
"Your
son is here," she said to the old man. She had to
repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes
opened. Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart
attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing
outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The
Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old
man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and
encouragement.
The
nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit
beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine
sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old
man's hand and offering him words of love and strength.
Occasionally,
the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest
awhile. He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the
ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night
noises of the hospital; the clanking of the oxygen tank,
the laughter of the night staff members exchanging
greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
Now
and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying
man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all
through the night.
Along
towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the
now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell
the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of
sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
"Who
was that man?" he asked.
The
nurse was startled, "He was your father," she
answered.
"No,
he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw
him before in my life."
"Then
why didn't you say something when I took you to
him?"
"I
knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also
knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here.
When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or
not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I
stayed."
As my
granddaughter and I held each other, I couldn’t help
but recall the story about the Marine and the old man at
the hospital. I
don’t know who needed each other more that night. One
thing I am sure of is that my granddaughter felt the
love I felt as we held each other. It must have been the
same with the Marine and the old man.
There
is a saying that I turn to every now and then when I
want to remind myself about what is important in this
world. The saying is: “We are not human beings going
through a temporary spiritual experience. We are
spiritual beings going through a temporary human
experience.”
I
regretted not being able to be with my granddaughter for
the entire evening. It was unfortunate that I had a
meeting to attend, but were it not for the meeting, I
may not have had that wonderful, spiritual experience I
had with her that night.
The
hug may have lasted only a couple of minutes, but I will
remember the feeling for the rest of my life.
The
next time someone needs you…just be there. Stay. It is
truly a privilege to be needed by another human
being…just be there.
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“We
Are All Exactly Where We Are Supposed To Be”
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Have you ever had too much time on your
hands and drifted into that "I wonder what would have happened
if.." dream land? You know the place I mean. Where you get to
thinking, I wonder what would have happened if I took that job in Toronto?
I wonder what would have happened if I had enough money to buy that new
house on the lake? I wonder what would have happened if I had waited until
I was older to get married?
If you live and breathe and have an ounce of honesty in your body, you
will admit that you too have drifted into the "I wonder what would
have happened..." state from time to time.
During the Christmas holidays I had the opportunity to watch one of my
favourite classics of all time, ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’, starring
Jimmy Stewart. I also saw three other movies: Family Man (Nicolas Cage),
Frequency (David Quaid), and Destiny (James Belushi). Each of these movies
centres around the main character being taken back in time where he is
given an opportunity to make a ‘different choice’ which results in his
entire life being altered. He then goes through the nightmare of living
for a while in the new life until he realizes that his real life wasn’t
as bad as he thought.
I don’t know exactly why movies like this appeal so much to me, but I
do know that I feel immensely satisfied and uplifted each time I watch
one. Perhaps it is because it makes me realize that, in spite of all the
troubles I think I have in my life, there is so, so much to be thankful
for that I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And yet, it is quite
frightening to think back to some of those life-changing choices that I
have made in the past and realize that if I had made a different choice,
nothing in my life would be the same and all of the people I hold dear to
my heart would vanish.
When I was in Teachers’ College in 1973, I had a chance to take a job
in Toronto, but I made one final attempt at convincing the Sudbury Board
to give me a contact. Why did I write that one final letter? What made me
sit down and draft a letter that I thought would just be thrown in the
garbage? Where would I be today if I had started my career in Toronto?
Back on a Sunday afternoon in January 1974, my wife dragged me away
from the Super Bowl game to look at a house in Val Therese. I grew up in
Lively and had never set foot in Val Caron or Hanmer, let alone given any
thought to living there. Twenty-seven years later, here we are, still in
the same house that I missed a Super Bowl game for - the house where we
raised a family and where we fully intend to continue to build memories
until the end of our time on earth. What if I would have watched the game
instead of gone to look at the house? What if we would have bought a house
in Lively or Sudbury instead of Valley East?
Whenever I think about such things it sends a shiver up and down my
body. I look back on all of the wonderful memories and the fabulous people
I have met over the years, and it leaves me with a hollow feeling when I
consider that my life may very well have missed those memories and people.
I think of all the people I have touched along the way and I realize that
their lives may also have been changed in some significant way if I had
not entered into their life. It is a bit frightening to know that my life
and the lives of so many others may have been so different if I hadn’t
taken 30 minutes out of my day to write a letter to the School Board in
1973; or if I had felt too comfortable sitting in front of the television
drinking beer and watching the super bowl game to drive all the way to Val
Therese to look at a house?
Then my mind begins to wander to other times in my life when choices
were made without much thought. What would my life have been like if I had
not hitch-hiked to Creighton that cold winter night in 1968 to watch the
hockey game at the Creighton club. The night when one of my friends
introduced me to a girl by the name of Valerie Starcevic who, four short
years later would walk down the aisle with me to take my name as hers, and
eventually drag me away from a Super Bowl game to look at a house in Val
Therese? What if that car hadn’t stopped that cold winter night to pick
me up at precisely the moment when I was about to give up on any chance of
getting a ride to Creighton? What if the car had gone on by and I had
turned back to go home to watch the hockey game?
Life is a series of choices. Every choice you make may well change the
direction your life will take. And yet, when we make those choices, we
seldom take into consideration the long-term impact that they may have.
Why we make the choices we do may not always be clear at the time. They
may never be clear, and I am sure you must also shake your head at some of
your choices and wonder how in the name of God you made some of the
decisions you did make.
One thing I am becoming more sure of as I get older, is that life
generally unfolds for one reason.. "it was meant to be!"
I have learned that there is no use trying to rationalize or make sense
out of what life brings you. It is best to make all of your decisions
based on the conditions of the day and on what you feel in your heart is
right, and then go forward with the inner confidence that you will always
be able to handle the challenges that come forth. Always be certain that
every decision, as long as you feel it is the right one for you, will
bring you happiness that would not have occurred if you had decided
differently. And above all, remember that you can never go back and
undecide! You can only go forward.
So as we enter a new year, let us go forth to enjoy everything that
life offers us with the knowledge that "it was meant to be"! And
if you need to be convinced that your life is wonderful, just take the
time to watch one of the movies.
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“Never
Give Up On The People You Love”
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Like any good mother, when Karen found out
that another baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her
3-year old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling. They find out that the
new baby is going to be a girl, and day after day, night after night,
Michael sings to his sister in Mommy's tummy.
The pregnancy progresses normally for Karen, an active
member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in
Morristown,Tennessee. Then the labor pains come. Every five minutes every
minute. But complications arise during delivery. Hours of labor. Would a
C-section be required?
Finally, Michael's little sister is born. But she is in
serious condition. With siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushes
the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital,
Knoxville, Tennessee. The days inch by. The little girl gets worse. The
pediatric specialist tells the parents, "There is very little hope.
Be prepared for the worst."
Karen and her husband contact a local cemetery about a
burial plot. They have fixed up a special room in their home for the new
baby - now they plan a funeral.
Michael, keeps begging his parents to let him see his
sister, "I want to sing to her," he says.
Week two in intensive care. It looks as if a funeral
will come before the week is over. Michael keeps nagging about singing to
his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care. But Karen makes
up her mind. She will take Michael whether they like it or not. If he
doesn't see his sister now, he may never see her alive.
She dresses him in an oversized scrub suit and marches
him into ICU. He looks like a walking laundry basket, but the head nurse
recognizes him as a child and bellows, "Get that kid out of here now!
No children are allowed.
The mother rises up strong in Karen, and the usually
mild-mannered lady glares steel-eyed into the head nurse's face, her lips
a firm line. "He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!"
Karen tows Michael to his sister's bedside. He gazes at the tiny infant
losing the battle to live. And he begins to sing.
In the pure hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael
sings: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when
skies are gray --- "
Instantly the baby girl responds. The pulse rate becomes
calm and steady.
Keep on singing, Michael.
"You never know, dear, how much I love you, Please
don't take my sunshine away---"
The ragged, strained breathing becomes as smooth as a
kitten's purr. Keep on singing, Michael.
"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I
dreamed I held you in my arms..." Michael's little sister relaxes as
rest, healing rest, seems to sweep over her. Keep on singing, Michael.
Tears conquer the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glows.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please
don't, take my sunshine away."
Funeral plans are scrapped. The next, day-the very next
day-the little girl is well enough to go home!
Woman's Day magazine called it "the miracle of a
brother's song." The medical staff just called it a miracle.
Karen called it a miracle of God's love!
NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE
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