Most of us have been in a situation with a
friend where we felt deeply hurt by something the friend did or said. I
have known people who were childhood friends who never spoke to each
other again after one of these incidents. I have also known other
friends who could never do anything which would destroy their
friendship. What is it that makes some friendships endure pain, while
others crumble?
To get to the answer, I came upon a little story
about two friends who were walking through the desert. At one point in
the journey, they had an argument and one friend slapped the other one
in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying
anything, he wrote in the sand, “TODAY, MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN
THE FACE”.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis,
where they decided to take a swim. The one who got slapped and hurt,
started drowning, and the other friend saved him. When he recovered from
the fright, he wrote on a stone: “TODAY, MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY
LIFE”.
The friend who had first slapped and then saved
his best friend asked him, “Why, after I hurt you, did you write in
the sand, and now after I save you, you write on a stone?”
The other friend, smiling, replied: “When a
friend hurts us, we should write it down in the sand, where the winds of
forgiveness are in charge of erasing it away. When something great
happens, we should engrave it in the stone of the memory of the heart,
where no wind can erase it.”
Perhaps that is the secret to a long-lasting
friendship! Perhaps it is also the secret to a long-lasting marriage, or
any other partnership in which we find ourselves! When someone we love
or care deeply about does something to hurt us, we should consider it a
temporary set-back in our relationship and forget it as quickly as the
wind would erase writing in the sand. There is no point in dwelling on
the problem, for that would only cause it to fester and could eventually
ruin the friendship. However, whenever something good happens in the
relationship, it should be recorded permanently so that we keep it first
and foremost in our memories. That is why photos are so popular. They
remind us of the good times.
Another
humourous, but revealing story was told
to me recently which gives us a clear example of how to tell who your
true friends are.
Two men were travelling together when a bear
suddenly met them on their path. One of the men climbed up quickly into
a tree and concealed himself in the branches. The other, seeing that he
would soon be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the bear came
up and felt him with his snout, he held his breath and pretended to be
dead. The bear soon left him, for it is said that a bear will not touch
a dead body. When the bear was gone, the other traveller descended from
the tree and jokingly asked what it was that the bear had whispered in
his ear.
“He gave me this advice,” his companion
replied. “Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach
of danger.”
We must all learn to write in the sand if our
friendships are to survive the test of time. Next time a friend hurts
you, record the incident in sand so that it disappears from memory
quickly. However, next time a friend does something especially nice for
you, make sure you record it someplace where you will be reminded of it
often, so that you never forget how very important that friend is to
you.
Have
a good week!