The 2003-2004 hockey season was barely a few weeks old when
the first, of what is expected to be many, assault headlines appeared in
the Toronto Star. Unbelievably, a 38-year old father was charged with
assault his 10-year old daughter after witnesses saw him grab her by the
facemask and scream at her as she came off the ice at a minor hockey
tournament on Sunday, September 14. He apparently was upset with her poor
performance in the game and she was soon crying and acting terrified of
her father.
The father was immediately banned from attending future games and the
mother took the girl out of hockey to relieve some of the pressure and
media attention.
The details of the game are relatively unimportant, however it was a
tournament game between Pickering and Windsor in which both boys and girls
played on the teams. The report didn't state on which team the girl
played, however, it did point out that the family had recently moved from
the United States so the child could play at a more competitive level of
hockey.
While condemning the action of the father in this incident, it was also
stated that this kind of thing is very rare in minor hockey. Several
people at the game indicated that it was the worst display they had ever
seen.
For the record, what the father did was inexcusable and he deserves
everything he receives as punishment.
On the other hand, let's take a real good look at the incident and try
to understand how we can avoid similar incidents in the future.
First of all, this writer has gone on record about how I feel about
tournaments. To read the editorial on this topic, you can take a moment to
click here. Tournaments are like mini-hockey
seasons all condensed into three or four games over a two or three day
period of time. By the time teams get into Sunday, every game is
sudden-death, winner-goes on and loser goes home. This intensity is just
too much for some people to take. Unfortunately, tournaments are often
accompanied by alcohol which is enjoyed in between games. In addition, by
the time you get into the final games of the tournament, you are playing
the "best of the class" and it becomes increasingly difficult to
win. Every move is scrutinized. Every mistake amplified. Every parent
feels their spirit move into the body of their child and they feel the
pressure. Some people explode. This 38 year-old man did and his daughter
suffered severely from the public humiliation and pain. Now the entire
family will suffer along with him for the rest of their lives. The girl
will never forget the day her father was arrested and charged with
assault.
The saddest part of this whole incident apparently was the reaction of
the young girl. She was terrified of her father and was crying while he
was yelling at her. She was devastated, humiliated and obviously utterly
upset about disappointing her father. How will she feel about going back
into another game after that incident?
Yet, I wonder how many other children were brought to tears by their
parents that weekend, or the following weekend, or on any given night of
the week? I wonder how many other children have to suffer the humiliation
of being yelled at and humiliated by their parents about their performance
on the ice? How many tears are shed each night?
But these tears are shed in the privacy of their family car on the way
home. Or in the privacy of their living room or bedroom where there is no
where to escape. How many of these "hidden bullies" saw the
newspaper report about the 38-year-old man and pointed fingers at the
assaulter - condemning him to the most severe punishment possible?
How many times will the readers of this editorial be guilty themselves
of "verbally assaulting" their children this year?
The next time you feel like yelling at your child, remember the 38
year-old in this editorial. Take a look at the editorial about why the
child quit hockey (click here).
Whatever you do, get control of yourself and ask if this is really what
you want your child to remember.
